Lenten Practice #1: Letting Go of Books

  For the second year in a row one of my Lenten practices is to let go of books. Last year I eliminated over 100 books from my garret bookshelves, which is where I keep my spirituality, theology, and writing books, and this year I have decided to accept the same challenge. 

Books are my comfort, which I wear like a shawl. They are my terra firma. When I am puzzled about something or facing a new challenge, or need a guide as I reflect and process, I turn to a book. Books are the threshold I cross and the return that welcomes me. 

Saying goodbye is no small task. 

Eliminating books from my library is my version of giving up sugar or caffeine during Lent--something that takes willpower and focus and persistence and self-control. But this practice is also a kind of love and a way to honor my growth as a spiritual being. 

Each day during Lent I browse one of my shelves for at least one title  I can take to a Little Free Library, where, I hope, just the right reader, spiritual seeker or writer will find it. I pull out possibilities and browse the pages. How likely is it that I will want to read this book again? Or if I have not read it, has its time passed? 

For example, I have many books on feminist theology, and I remember the days when I saturated myself in that content, hungry to fill that gap in my education and awareness. I read many of them, and I  am so grateful for writers, researchers, theologians who opened themselves --and then me--to that material. Will I read ones I have not yet read in the next years of my reading life? Probably not. Will I re-read any of them? Probably not. Ok, add them to the pile. 

Before adding a book to the pile, I notice what I have underlined or where I have made a note. For example, in Seeking God, The Way of St Benedict by Esther de Waal, my eyes land on text highlighted in pink with a star next to the passage:    

        Only after we give up the desire to be different and
        admit that we deserve no special attention is there space
        to encounter God, and to discover that although we are
        unique and that God calls us each by name, that is 
        completely compatible with the unspectacular, possibly
        the monotony, of life in the pace in which we find ourselves.
                                                                   p. 61

(An aside: I am an enneagram 4, and this passage really fits my 4 personality.)

I spend a bit more time with the book and even copy a couple passages into my journal, but still decide to add it to the "pass it on" pile. 

Sometimes when I have loved a certain book by an author, I have then collected and read everything written by that person. For example, Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones will remain in my library forever, even though I may never read it again, but while I enjoyed and benefited from other titles, such as The True Secret of Writing and The Great Spring, I am comfortable passing them on. 

I will keep Twyla Tharp's The Creative Habit, but will move on her more recent book, Keep It Moving, not because it wasn't worth reading, but it didn't speak to me in the same way. Plus, I found this book in a Little Free Library and it seems fitting to return it for someone else to find. I admit I wonder about the person who received this as a gift. The inscription in the front reads, "Christmas, 2019. For Kate, As you move forward, a book about moving forward. Much love, Bill and Julie." Did the book resonate with Kate?

I thank each book for its wisdom, for the insights and new learning it brought to me, and I thank the author for the effort it took to bring that book to fruition. I think about the reason I added that book to my library in the first place and what I learned; how it added to my spiritual and my writing life. 

This process becomes a kind of meditation. 

I notice books that seem especially meaningful for my life today, such as the rows of books on aging. I hold those who have been companions along the way. I give thanks. I rejoice. I note books that hold promise for me now. I marvel at the new books on my shelves written by young theologians, young people exploring their faith and their lives as spiritual beings, and I welcome their presence. I reflect on lessons learned and those still a work in process. 

My intention in this Lenten practice is not to empty my shelves. In fact, I have added new titles to my shelves, but not nearly as many as I have eliminated. Each of these titles will have their own time and then perhaps be passed on. Or not.

    1. Three Steps on the Ladder of Writing by Helene Cixous
    2.  16 Ways to Create Devotional Writing by David Sluka
    3.  Ron Carlson Writes a Story by Ron Carlson
    4.  An Interrupted Life by Etty Hillesum
    5.  A Rhythm of Prayer, edited by Sarah Bessey
    6.  Sacred Time, Embracing an Intentional Way of Life by Christine
        Valters Paintner.

Sorry, family, but you will more than likely have to pack and carry heavy boxes of books down the stairs, just as you lugged them upstairs for me when we moved here. I promise to continue this practice of deciding what to keep and what to release, not just during Lent, but as on ongoing process. However, books nurture and expand me, and in a paradoxical way they are part of my inner process, a bigger process of creating space in which I encounter God. 

An Invitation
Do you have a Lenten practice? I would love to know. 

   

A second part of the challenge both this year and last was to limit the number of books added to the shelves

Vote Your Conscience

 "Vote your conscience." That statement was made many times during the impeachment trial last week, and each time I heard it I hoped that would happen.

In my view, voting one's conscience in this case meant voting to convict the former president. To vote otherwise, I felt, would be to deny the truth. 

How can they sleep at night? How can they look themselves in the mirror? How can they face their children, grandchildren? 

What is the future they are creating?

The outcome of the vote on Saturday was not surprising, but even so the reality of it was and remains upsetting. For many of us the words repeated over and over leading up to January 6 and the ugly and frightening videos of that day will not disappear. How does one go on with business as usual now?

Don't they have a conscience? 

I am re-reading all of Louise Penny's wonderful mysteries, and I love them even more this second time around. Not only does the murder case in each book still intrigue me, but the characters offer so much wisdom about living compassionate and loving lives; lives, not always easy, but ones reaching towards integrity and authenticity. 

How amazed I was when I read this section in Glass Houses after checking my phone for the results of the vote. In a discussion about the archangels Michael and Lucifer, Ruth, one of the ongoing characters in the series, a poet and often viewed as crazy says,

    "Well, I start off praying that anyone who's pissed me off meets
    a horrible end, Then I pray for world peace, and then I pray for
    Lucifer."
    "Did you say Lucifer?" asked Myrna.
    "Who needs it more?"

And then Ruth talks about conscience.

     "Stupid, stupid angel...It's generally thought that a conscience
      is a good thing, but let me ask you this. How many terrible
      things are done in the name of conscience? It's a great excuse
      for appalling acts?... A conscience is not necessarily a good
      thing. How many gays are beaten, how many abortion clinics
      bombed, how many blacks lynched, how many Jews 
      murdered, by people just following their conscience?

Myrna, a black woman, and former psychotherapist who owns a book store in the small community, says,

      "A conscience guides us...To do the right thing. To be brave. 
      To be selfless and courageous. To stand up to tyrants whatever
      the cost."

I suppose all who cast their votes on Saturday feel they voted their conscience, and I suspect many who stormed the capital felt they were doing what needed to be done. I wonder, however, what the deep, small, quiet voice inside is whispering to them--if they could only listen. If they could only sit in stillness, in silence.

Here's the deal: What happened Saturday in the Senate is not just about "they" and their consciences. (And, oh how aware I am of the "they" language, the reference to "other" I am using. Ouch!) I need to stay in close contact with my own conscience, my own still, small voice inside. I need to nurture it and clear it of mean and judgmental thoughts. I need to wash it in love and compassion and hope. I need to strengthen its ability to guide me to do the right thing. I need to awaken and stay awake to the presence of God in my life and I need to be that presence. 

And that is no small task. May we know the presence of God in one another. 

Thanks to Interfaith Action of St Paul for offering prayers by local clergy for a country in need. Here's one:

                              Our God, and God of our ancestors

                              And God of our descendants, in these incessant 

                              days of challenge, I need you.

                              Steady my breaths.

                              Quell my worries.

                              Calm my anger.

                              Alleviate my sadness.

                              Allow my mind and heart to trust

                              That decency, law, and reason will abide.

                              Help me find the strength to

                              Protect myself and all people against racism, 

                              antisemitism, islamophobia, and all hatred of

                              the other.

                              Open my eyes to see the good in our

                              time and give me the ability to nurture that

                              good in others.

                              And, please God, may I experience

                              living in an America where all feel safe, our

                              democracy is sanctified and streets peaceful, and

                              all shall sit under their own vine and fig tree, and

                              no one shall make them afraid.

                              Amen. 

                                           --Adam Stock Spilker, Rabbi,

                                           Mt Zion Temple

You can read the rest of the prayers here.

Back to reading. I only have three more Louise Penny books left, and then I wait till August when #17 is published.

An Invitation

Where do you see and know the presence of God? I would love to know.  

 

Waiting for the Vaccine

"Have you received your vaccine yet?"

How often have you been asked that question lately? How often have you asked that question?

We quiz each other about our age, our health plans, attempts we've made to get an appointment. We offer congratulations if there has been success and then ask about the second dose. We have our pictures taken with our sleeves rolled up and grateful looks on our faces.

We monitor the progress--how many doses are expected to be delivered in our area and what the new plan is. We check our emails from our health provider and sit on hold, our phones pressed against our cheeks, waiting to talk to someone with the secret. 

Once again we are stressed.

Once again we are in a time of waiting. 

Once again we are invited to be patient, to assess what is possible and what is out of our control. 

While we wait, here are some words of wisdom:

        "...anything, any person, any situation is a word
        addressed to me by God."
                            Brother David Steindl-Rast

What is God saying to you during this specific time of waiting? Is God inviting you to trust? No, you will not be left behind. Yes, you will have your turn. Is God inviting you to listen to the worries and fears of others and to be a compassionate and loving presence? Is God inviting you to remember that we are part of something larger than ourselves; something larger than what we can control. Is God inviting us to honor the losses from the past, the grief we still hold, and to be gentle with ourselves? Is God inviting us to open to the gifts of each day and to remember as Martha Whitmore Hickman writes in her book of daily meditations, Healing After Loss, "At the bottom of the well, one can look up and see the sky." 

Perhaps God is inviting you to discover how waiting can be a spiritual practice.

Begin by breathing. Close your eyes lightly, not tightly. Take a deep cleansing breath and then gently breathe in and out, in and out, finding your own rhythm. Return to calm. 

An Invitation
How are you experiencing this latest time of waiting? I would love to know. 

        

An Unfair Accusation

 What? Really? How is this possible? 

We received an official notice from the City of St Paul--actually three of them--one addressed to me, one to my husband, and one to "occupant." 

NOTICE TO REMOVE SNOW AND/OR ICE FROM SIDEWALK

Someone had lodged a complaint that our sidewalk had not been shoveled. The law in St Paul requires property owners to clear sidewalks of snow and/or ice within 24 hours of the most recent snowfall or ice accumulation. 

A good law, one I appreciate, AND a law we have complied with always. 

I was indignant and felt shamed.

Who complained? I don't believe it could be neighbors on our block. We have a terrific block, good neighbors whom we enjoy. We are one of the older couples on the block, and I am quite sure if our sidewalks weren't shoveled that someone would check on us and/or go ahead and do it. In fact, one of our neighbors has a snowblower and he routinely clears our sidewalk before my husband even has a chance to get out there and shovel. 

We love our home and take good care of it, and to be accused of not being good homeowners bruised my pride. Besides, there are many houses where that is not the case. Did anyone complain about them?

Maybe the wrong address or street was reported. Or maybe someone is making random complaints, much like the rash of car windows that have been smashed in our neighborhood recently. Should I get on our neighborhood app and ask if anyone has been reported unfairly? 

I seethed and stewed, and my husband shrugged his shoulders. That is one of the differences between the two of us. 

And then I did what I should have done before wasting all that self-righteous energy. I sat quietly in my Girlfriend Chair and closed my eyes lightly, not tightly, and breathed in gently, in and out, in and out, finding my own rhythm. And I listened for a wiser voice, "Nancy, let it go."

First, I agreed to let it go--my indignation, my need to understand and justify myself, to prove we had not done anything wrong, the shame I felt, and even my doubt (Maybe we did do something wrong!). And then I listened for what I might learn from this experience, from these feelings. Note: Agreeing to let go does not mean that is automatically accomplished!

I thought about all the times those far less fortunate than I am, far less able to defend themselves, have been accused unfairly and often tragically of doing or being something wrong. I thought about all the incorrect assumptions, the entitlements and inequities suffered by many, especially people of color.  

And then I thought about the person who complained to the city about us, and I prayed for his/her safety while moving through the days. I prayed for greater ease and light in the life of the person who complained, and I prayed for guidance for myself. May I live these wintry days with an open and loving heart.

An Invitation
When have you felt unjustly accused and what did you do? I would love to know. 

Today's Word : UNiTY

 During the past week, the word "unity" has been proclaimed frequently. Most notably in President Biden's inaugural speech, 

      To overcome these challenges --to

      restore the soul and to secure the

      future of America requires more than  

      words. It requires that most elusive 

      of things in a democracy:

                Unity.
                Unity.

He used the word "unity" or "uniting" nine more times in his speech, including, "With unity we can do great things. Important things."

Others in the government, as well as political and social commentators and religious leaders, recently have declared their hope for unity, as well. A noble hope after these disruptive and frightening years, but when we hope for unity, what do we mean? What does unity look like and how is it achieved? Do we all mean the same thing?

One of my favorite pastimes is to browse or shop my library shelves in the garret. Sometimes I scan my shelves not looking for anything specific, but simply seeing what appeals to me, what attracts me. Often, of course, I find what I didn't know I was looking for. Sometimes, however, I search for something specific. In this case, references to "unity." 

Here's a sample of what I found:

Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist's Way, has a lot to say in her three small books of "prayers and declarations for a changing life, " Transitions, Heart Steps, and Blessings. 

            We are one tribe. I cherish our unity. We are united
            by our suffering and by our joy. One life flows
            through all life. One heart holds every heart. 
                            Blessings, p. 89

In The Soul of Tomorrow's Church, Kent Groff refers to the Moravian tradition: "unity in essentials, liberty in nonessentials, and charity in all things," (p. 56). Of course, that leads me to wonder how it is decided and who decides what is essential and what is isn't. 

When I looked up the word "unity" in the index of The Seeker's Guide, Making Your Life A Spiritual Adventure by Elizabeth Lesser, I was directed to references to "inter-being." In a whole fascinating chapter that opens with a quote from Hildegard of Bingen and closes with words from Martin Luther King, Jr's Letter from Birmingham Jail and inbetween is a long section on "Karma and Faith," here's what shimmered for me.

    ...unity-consciousness, a state of being where all things     
    are so deeply connected that they are no longer experienced
    as opposites, and therefore are not in conflict, but rather hold
    together in a meaningful and creative unfolding. p. 342

One book led to another--A chapter on "Sacred Wholeness" in Richard Rohr's The Universal Christ; uplifting words in A New Harmony, The Spirit, The Earth, and The Human Soul by John Philip Newell, which I have just started reading ("We and all people, we and those who have gone before us, we and all creatures, we and the universe are traveling together in one river of life. We carry each other within us. And the universe carries us within itself." p. 12); and many scripture passages listed in my thesaurus for the Bible under the category of "one."

I had definitely gone down a rabbit hole with a pile of books threatening to collapse on top of me at the bottom of that hole! What I needed was some direction, a practice or two, and I found that in Spiritual Rx, Prescriptions for Living A Meaningful Life by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat. 

            The spiritual practice of hospitality helps us
            learn to respect differences and celebrate diversity
            in the Creation. Unity is about affirming commonalities.
            This can be as simple as acknowledging how you are
            like another person. It can lead to actions demonstrating
            your solidarity with others. Without unity, there is little
            hope for compassion, justice, or peace. p. 254-255.

And then they suggest using the phrase "just like me," to signify my unity with others. Whenever I feel the need to criticize or judge someone or even when I compliment someone, the Brussats suggest thinking, "just like me." For example, "He is so inconsiderate of other people's feelings, just like me." Or "What a nice smile she has, just like me."

All of a sudden unity becomes more than a theory and not just something vague or out-of-reach. Unity is something I can practice and live each day, and I believe individual practice creates collective change. 

One more reference, a good way to send us into a world that desires unity.

                                        Unifier
                    We need you, divine Unifier,
                    To join what has broken apart
                    in our human relationships.
                    Perceived wrongs separate.
                    Jealousies increase hostility.
                    Misuse of power divides.
                    Selfishness easily isolates.
                    Disloyalty dissolves trust.
                    Bring us closer to one another.
                    Unify us in your one great heart.
                                    Fragments of Your Ancient Name, 
                                    365 Glimpses of the Divine for Daily
                                    Meditation, prayer for August 8
                                    Joyce Rupp

Excuse me, I need to put all these books back on my shelf. Who knows what I will find as I do that! 

An Invitation
How do you define unity? I would love to know. 

                                      

My Word of the Year: WORD

I can't tell you the exact moment when I recognized my word for 2021. There was no flashing light or crashing sound. I didn't have a vision.  

No mystical experience. 

Instead, I gradually realized that I was carrying, sitting and living with my word.

                                    WORD

I have always been intrigued by the Gospel of John 1:1

                    In the beginning was the Word, and the Word
                    was with God, and the Word was God.

As a writer, how important it is for me to find the right word, to create meaning and understanding and to offer pictures and perspective through words. I try to find words that speak to you, my readers. Just the right words. 

I know words make a difference.

I know words speak to me about my relationship with God, and words lead me to new life, to living life in the light.

                                    Word of God.
                                    Word of Life. 

But, I admit, I am a bit flummoxed by the gift of WORD. Somehow it feels different from the words I've received in previous years. My word in 2020 was "fullness," and other years included "spaciousness," "devotion," and "Sacred Yes, Sacred No." 

Why couldn't my new word be "hope" or "love" or "sanctuary" or something else that would seem to have a boundary, a direction, a motivation? What does it means that my word is "WORD"?

I don't know, but I do know that --just in all the previous years--this word will nourish me, challenge me, and lead and even wrestle me into new growth. Just as I didn't decide on a word, but instead received the word, I know that the word will work on me, rather than my working on it. 

And so I begin the journey of discovery. 

An early step as I cross the threshold into the Year of the Word was to make a collage. Instead of using pictures, as I have always done, this year's collage is just words. Words that nourish, challenge and lead me. The new collage hangs next to collages from the last two years along with a collage representing potential audience for my in progress spiritual memoir. 

What I am beginning to realize is how the words from the past interact with the new word; how integration of each word continues, and how the words are in active relationship with each other. Each one calls me forth. 

                            from Jan Richardson

                                ....to speak your word

                                into the world

                                to tell what you have

                                heard,

                                with your own ears,

                                seen with your own 

                                eyes,

                                known in your own heart:

                           

                                that you are beloved,

                                precious child of God,

                                beautiful to behold.

                    from Joyce Rupp

                                May each common word coming forth from me

                                Echo the magnificent love of you, the one Word. 

An Invitation

Have you received a word for the year? I would love to know. If you would like some additional guidance on this spiritual practice, email me, nagneberg48@gmail.com for a free guide on entering the new year. 

NOTE: Here's on excellent article on spiritual direction:

NYT article on spiritual direction 

Views of the Capitol

Sickened.

That's how I felt on Wednesday. I was working at my desk when a friend alerted me to what was happening at the U.S. Capitol. Frankly, I didn't want to know. Instead, I wanted to continue doing the work I planned for the day, but I took a deep breath and at first watched on my laptop the horrific events. Soon, however, I moved to the lower level of the house where our television is located and told my husband,  "You have to see this." 

He was comfortably reading, and I could see on his face, he really didn't want to know what was happening either. He didn't say it, but I could sense, probably, because I had felt the same way, "Can't we wait till we watch the PBS News Hour at 6:00?"

No, in this case we couldn't. And for the next hours, there we were, watching the destruction, the attacks, the violence, and later, our elected leaders resuming the process of receiving the electoral count declaring our new president and vice-president. 

A Memory from my 2017 Journal
Wednesday afternoon I happened to be re-reading my journals from 2017 in preparation for writing the next chapter in my spiritual memoir. In one entry I wrote about how an airline passenger was dragged off the plane. The flight had been overbooked, and his seat was randomly chosen to be vacated. He refused, and the result was his physical removal from the plane. Other passengers recorded the incident with their phones.

I wrote in my journal my hope that I would have stood up and said, "Enough. Take my seat. This violence is not necessary or right." I hope I would have done that. I hope I could have set aside any entitlement I felt and instead, made a stand for the greater good. 

Of course, we have been waiting for President Trump to set aside his inflated view of himself, his need to always win, his delusions, and instead, to defer to the peaceful transfer of power and to acknowledge that Joe Biden and Kamila Harris are our newly elected leaders. That has never been too much to ask--until now, it seems.

Therefore, we must ask more of ourselves. We each have to discern what that means. First, however, we must be a presence. We must witness, and not wait till it is convenient to see what is happening. 

                 

                     Please reveal to me, Lord, a way to stand in my
                    power, through love instead of fear, and through
                    peace instead of violence. 
                    May I hear not the voice for anger, but only the 
                    voice for love.
                    And teach me, dear Lord, how not to hate those
                    who hate me.
                    Transform all darkness into light, dear God,
                    And use my mind as an instrument of Your 
                    harmlessness... Amen.
                                    from Illuminata, A Return to Prayer
                                    Marianne Williamson

An Invitation

What are your prayers for the coming days? I would love to know.  

NOTE: The new year is still young, and it is not too late to request my guide, "Crossing the Threshold, Honoring the New Year, A Guide to Reflect on the Old and Prepare for the New." It is free and available by emailing me at nagneberg48@gmail.com