Vote Your Conscience

 "Vote your conscience." That statement was made many times during the impeachment trial last week, and each time I heard it I hoped that would happen.

In my view, voting one's conscience in this case meant voting to convict the former president. To vote otherwise, I felt, would be to deny the truth. 

How can they sleep at night? How can they look themselves in the mirror? How can they face their children, grandchildren? 

What is the future they are creating?

The outcome of the vote on Saturday was not surprising, but even so the reality of it was and remains upsetting. For many of us the words repeated over and over leading up to January 6 and the ugly and frightening videos of that day will not disappear. How does one go on with business as usual now?

Don't they have a conscience? 

I am re-reading all of Louise Penny's wonderful mysteries, and I love them even more this second time around. Not only does the murder case in each book still intrigue me, but the characters offer so much wisdom about living compassionate and loving lives; lives, not always easy, but ones reaching towards integrity and authenticity. 

How amazed I was when I read this section in Glass Houses after checking my phone for the results of the vote. In a discussion about the archangels Michael and Lucifer, Ruth, one of the ongoing characters in the series, a poet and often viewed as crazy says,

    "Well, I start off praying that anyone who's pissed me off meets
    a horrible end, Then I pray for world peace, and then I pray for
    Lucifer."
    "Did you say Lucifer?" asked Myrna.
    "Who needs it more?"

And then Ruth talks about conscience.

     "Stupid, stupid angel...It's generally thought that a conscience
      is a good thing, but let me ask you this. How many terrible
      things are done in the name of conscience? It's a great excuse
      for appalling acts?... A conscience is not necessarily a good
      thing. How many gays are beaten, how many abortion clinics
      bombed, how many blacks lynched, how many Jews 
      murdered, by people just following their conscience?

Myrna, a black woman, and former psychotherapist who owns a book store in the small community, says,

      "A conscience guides us...To do the right thing. To be brave. 
      To be selfless and courageous. To stand up to tyrants whatever
      the cost."

I suppose all who cast their votes on Saturday feel they voted their conscience, and I suspect many who stormed the capital felt they were doing what needed to be done. I wonder, however, what the deep, small, quiet voice inside is whispering to them--if they could only listen. If they could only sit in stillness, in silence.

Here's the deal: What happened Saturday in the Senate is not just about "they" and their consciences. (And, oh how aware I am of the "they" language, the reference to "other" I am using. Ouch!) I need to stay in close contact with my own conscience, my own still, small voice inside. I need to nurture it and clear it of mean and judgmental thoughts. I need to wash it in love and compassion and hope. I need to strengthen its ability to guide me to do the right thing. I need to awaken and stay awake to the presence of God in my life and I need to be that presence. 

And that is no small task. May we know the presence of God in one another. 

Thanks to Interfaith Action of St Paul for offering prayers by local clergy for a country in need. Here's one:

                              Our God, and God of our ancestors

                              And God of our descendants, in these incessant 

                              days of challenge, I need you.

                              Steady my breaths.

                              Quell my worries.

                              Calm my anger.

                              Alleviate my sadness.

                              Allow my mind and heart to trust

                              That decency, law, and reason will abide.

                              Help me find the strength to

                              Protect myself and all people against racism, 

                              antisemitism, islamophobia, and all hatred of

                              the other.

                              Open my eyes to see the good in our

                              time and give me the ability to nurture that

                              good in others.

                              And, please God, may I experience

                              living in an America where all feel safe, our

                              democracy is sanctified and streets peaceful, and

                              all shall sit under their own vine and fig tree, and

                              no one shall make them afraid.

                              Amen. 

                                           --Adam Stock Spilker, Rabbi,

                                           Mt Zion Temple

You can read the rest of the prayers here.

Back to reading. I only have three more Louise Penny books left, and then I wait till August when #17 is published.

An Invitation

Where do you see and know the presence of God? I would love to know.  

 

Thursday's Reflection: Words to Live By

If you read my previous post, you will know how enamored I am of Louise Penny's Chief Inspector Gamache books, http://www.louisepenny.com/index.html including her most recent one, The Long Way Home. Good fiction is not just about a plot that carries you along or characters who interest you or a setting that makes you want to buy a ticket or get in your car. Good fiction also imparts wisdom; words and ideas that make you think and even examine your own way of living. With each succeeding book in the mystery series by Penny there seems to be more food for thought, more reason to pause and reflect. 

In this first week of September, which always feels like a new beginning to me, as perhaps it does for you, I offer you some words of wisdom from Penny's books, and invite you to reflect on their meaning for your life. 

Chief Inspector Gamache recites the following four statements to all his new agents as a pathway to wisdom. 

                 I don't know.
                 
                 I was wrong.

                I'm sorry.

                I need help. 

Try saying these statements aloud. How do you feel as you hear yourself saying them? Is one harder to say than another? When was the last time you said and truly meant one of these statements and what happened when you did? 

Think about your life right now.  Is there someone in your life who needs to hear one of these statements from you? Is there a situation in your life that could change in a positive way if one of these statements was sincerely and genuinely expressed? Who is waiting for the next step from you? 

Think about a time when someone has looked you in the eyes and said one of those statements or written a letter saying, "I was wrong," or "I am sorry." How did that feel? Even if the words didn't wipe a slate clean or make whatever was damaged, repaired, did you feel some measure of healing? At least an intention of healing? 

One thing each of these statements has in common is the first word: "I." It is not enough to say "sorry," especially when the hurt is deep or the offense is serious--even if you don't know what the big deal is. What needs to be said and known is "I am sorry." Even though the statement begins with "I" and might seem to glorify the ego, the opposite seems more the case. When we say "I was wrong," for example, we become "freed from the imprisonments that keep us in exile from the true heart of another." (The Rebirthing of God, Christianity's Struggle for New Beginnings by John Philip Newell, p. 55) http://heartbeatjourney.org/j-p-newell/ These statements can be representative of "dying to the way in which our ego, both individual and collective, tries stubbornly to be in charge, rather than faithfully letting go to the Self who is within all selves." (p. 113) 

Our six year old grandson Peter often says, easily and casually, when you ask him a question, "I have no idea." Not knowing is not a source of embarrassment to him nor does he worry we might think he is weak or stupid. He simply doesn't know, and he doesn't try to fake knowing. He admits it, and we move on. I hope he will retain that ability to be so open, but life seems to teach us to cover up, to hide behind a facade of false self-assurance. Sometimes we don't even know what we don't know. I have no idea! 

Inspector Ganache's words of wisdom remind me of four other statements to live by:

            Please forgive me.

            I forgive you.

            Thank you.

             I love you.

Ira Byock, M.D., http://www.irabyock.org an authority in palliative and end-of-life care, offers these statements in his book The Four Things That Matter Most, A Book About Living. These are words, Byock maintains, that can mend and nurture our relationships and our inner lives and help us get through the unpredictability of daily life. 

Four statements. Eleven words. 

An Aside: At the book talk where Louise Penny spoke recently, she said that along with her husband saying, "I love you," the most important words he ever said to her was when she was struggling with the decision to quit her job and begin writing full-time. He said, "I support you." 

Just imagine if we each integrated Gamache's and/or Byock's words of wisdom into our daily lives as our spiritual practice or our rule for life. As we maneuver through the rough spots, the times when we feel out of control or too in control, imagine those words sitting lightly within always available when needed. Just imagine what could happen if we set aside our ego and met one another heart to heart.

An Invitation
What has your experience been with any of these statements? Is there a time you wish you had made one or more of these statements or when you wish someone had expressed them to you? What can you do about it now? I would love to know. 

Tuesday's Reflection: Gifts from a Favorite Author, Louise Penny

You never know when you will receive a gift and who will extend that gift. 

This past weekend a friend and I went to hear one of our favorite authors speak. On a gorgeous afternoon in Labor Day weekend while the majority of Minnesotans were at the State Fair or "at the lake," we went to a library and stood in line for an hour before the first come first served doors opened and then waited another 45 minutes until the beginning of the talk. Whom were we waiting for? A movie star? Rock star? Sport star? Nope. A literary star, a book star, and her cheering fans couldn't have been more delighted when she appeared. 

Louise Penny http://www.louisepenny.com is the author of the bestselling Inspector Gamache books, including the brand new one, her tenth, A Long Way Home.  When I finished the ninth book, I cried, for it seemed unclear if there would be a tenth book, and I knew I would miss the company of all the characters in her books, which are set in a mythical small village outside of Montreal, Three Pines. Penny's genre is crime fiction, but her books inspired by poetry, often Margaret Atwood's poems, and also by art are sensual books about love and friendship and intimacy and the nature of goodness in the world. 

Over the years I have been to many book signings and talks by authors, and I always learn something, whether it is about their creative process or more about the content of their books. Sometimes I am disappointed by the person who may be remote and unenthusiastic about being adored or are less articulate than what they have written. Writers are people, too, after all. However, reading and books are such a deep and significant treasure and pleasure in my life, and seeing and hearing someone who has added  to that dimension of my life is a bonus and often an inspiration. 

Louise Penny is as much a gift to her readers as her books are. She is funny and warm and attractive and smart and gracious. For example, nearly 250 people stood in line after her talk to have her sign a book. She shook each person's hand and offered to have her picture taken with each fan. I thanked her for being so gracious, and she responded that signing books and meeting her readers is her "reward." I added that this is her "harvest time" as well, and she thanked me for those words. She thanked me for MY words. See what I mean about receiving a gift?

First Gift
Her talk was full of gifts as well. (Listen to the full talk at http://clubbook.org ) She spoke of fear and overcoming fear. 
As a child she was full of fears, afraid of everything, but she found "solace in stories." When she was eight years old, she was reading Charlotte's Web and about halfway through the book, she realized Charlotte is a spider, and Penny was very afraid of spiders. That fear was lifted, however, when she realized how much she loved Charlotte. From that point on she wanted to be a writer, for she understood the healing power of books.

Not all fears dissolved, however, for when she made the decision to leave her work as a journalist and radio broadcaster in order to write a great novel, she discovered she was afraid of failure. What if she couldn't write? So she didn't. Fortunately, she met a group of very creative women who were producing art in various forms, not all good, and in fact, some of it was quite horrendous, she said, but they were doing it, and their failures didn't kill them. After five years of not writing anything, she finally started writing Still Life, the first book in what has become an amazingly successful crime series. 

The gift: You can survive failure. I can survive failure. I need to remember what I so often ask others, What's The Worst That Can Happen? Most of the time the "worst" is not so bad. Even after living into my 60's, I don't always remember that, and as I begin a big writing project, I need this gift. Is this a gift you need?

Second Gift
Penny wrote her first book and sent it to publisher after publisher after publisher without any positive results. She also submitted it to a contest for unpublished books and was shortlisted for that award. She went to the award dinner hoping to meet the agents she had learned were the top agents in the United Kingdom for crime fiction. Two out of the three were there, but one was not interested in her at all, and the other was drunk. However, she and her husband were invited to a cocktail party which was a fundraiser for an organization supporting women in Afghanistan, and at that party she met the third agent, whom she discovered had a post-it note on her computer with Penny's name on it! She has been her agent ever since. Penny calls this The Amalgamation of Small Things. I think of it as One Thing Leads to Another.

One thing doesn't necessarily lead to another, however, without active engagement. Penny did not want to go to that cocktail party, but her husband pushed, and they went. She had done her homework. She had entered the contest. She had written the book and followed her dream, not waiting for fulfillment, but working for what she wanted. And it happened.  

Think about your own life and how small steps, events, meetings, or thoughts have led you to something unexpected, but just where you hoped to be. When have you experienced The Amalgamation of Small Things in your life?

Third Gift
Penny admitted she started writing hoping to impress others--all the people in her life, as well as critics and potential readers. Eventually, she realized she needed to write for herself. She created a main character she would enjoy getting to know and having in her life. She understood that the writing, the creating itself, had to be enjoyment enough. At that point she really discovered herself as a writer.

I understand. Writing this blog brings me great pleasure, and if it didn't, I would stop writing it. Yes, I am delighted you read it and that what I write resonates with you, and yes, I would like more of "you," but that doesn't drive me. I write to discover and to clarify my feelings and thoughts, and writing is a way for me to be more present to my own life and the life around me. That doesn't mean I don't aim to do my best, to become a better writer, and to be aware of my audience, however. It all works together, and I am grateful for Penny's reminder.

I think at this stage of life we have a chance to really live the idea of doing what gives you pleasure and brings you meaning. Writing does that for me, but in order for that to be true, I must continue to grow and stretch. I need to find ways to use my gifts to connect with others and to live fully in this time and place. What brings you pleasure right now and how does that allow you to grow and to connect?

What a good day it had been --- with so many gifts.

An Invitation
What gifts have you received lately and what have those gifts inspired you to do or become? How have you energized someone else with your gift of life and wisdom? I would love to know.