Generalizations and the Good Old Days: Thursday's Reflection

Sometimes casual conversations go in surprising directions. Here's an example. 

"Doctors today aren't like they used to be. They don't take the time to care, to listen."

"Marriages today aren't as strong as they used to be."

I know these aren't the exact quotes, but I think I have the gist of what was said during a brief conversation with a woman who had recently experienced a major health crisis. She is well on the way to full 
recovery, and she glowed with gratitude, especially for her husband who had been in constant caring attendance. However, she also offered some rather full-sweeping statements.

I hesitated before I responded. After all, I had only just met her, and she a is a good friend of a good friend of mine, but I took a breath and said something like, "It concerns me when we generalize about something, for, I think, there has always been a range of physicians. Some who take time to listen and really be with their patients, and others who don't. And, I think, there have always been strong marriages as well as marriages that aren't so strong." Believe me, I was not eloquent. I stumbled my way along.

She said, "You are probably right," but I don't think I convinced her and instead, more than likely she thought, "What does she know and who is she to tell me what to think?" 

I felt judgmental, but at the same time I knew in the moment she had given me a gift. More than one, actually.

First, she made me think about the kind of statements we make all the time. The kind that generalizes about a topic or a group of people. What can so easily happen then is that the generalization becomes a stereotype and then becomes a truth, a fact. Making generalizations closes windows and locks us into either/or thinking. Something is this way or its that way with nothing inbetween. We stop seeing the range, the continuum. That is dangerous, it seems to me, and only leads to division, instead of connection.

Second, how easy it is to move into a "good old days" way of thinking as we get older. "In my day.... marriages were better, physicians were more caring, kids were better behaved, life was easier, better." Have you caught yourself saying something similar? I am not saying there isn't some truth to these statements, but they aren't the whole truth. 

Third, for some reason I didn't remain silent, as I sometimes do in a social situation. I may not have expressed myself very smoothly, but I knew I didn't agree with what she said, and it felt important to say that. How often have I let something slide when I should have spoken up? 

Fourth, as I reflect on the brief conversation I think it is possible to hear what she said with a softer heart, a gentle reminder to carry into all interactions. Perhaps she was actually saying, "I am so grateful for my strong marriage, for my loving and caring husband who was there for me in every way." Underneath what felt like a criticism of today's health care professionals, was she also saying, "How grateful I have received good care and I can move forward in my life"? 

The conversation was brief, and I am so delighted for her healing and for the many blessings she experienced on the way. Life is good. Now how's that for a generalization?

An Invitation
What generalizations leap from your lips? I would love to know.