Tuesday Reflection: Recovering

Dear Friends, I pray you are all well, but the reality is that we are always in some stage of healing and recovery. 

For my husband and myself the most obvious reason for recovery is the flu. While we have removed the pretend "quarantine" sign from our front door and are back into the world, our pace is slower and more measured and our days continue to include rest periods. This has been quite the siege. 

For most of last week we moved from couch to chair to bed, dragging boxes of Kleenex with us along with mugs of hot liquids. We napped and read and watched all the seasons of Downton Abbey again and ate lightly, and every night we wondered if the next day would mean feeling better. We told our daughter who brought soup to leave it at the front door and run! She disobeyed, of course, coming inside to check on us. We set aside concerns about Christmas tasks and instead, put up our feet, books on our laps, in the glow of our Christmas tree lights. 

Now that we are at the improved and improving stage comes a new test. When you are truly down, sick, rather than not so sick, it is easier to make decisions about what you can do and what you can't and how you feel and how you don't. Now, however, as you heal and recover, temptations abound, especially with Christmas Eve eight days away. There is the need to do one more thing, to stretch beyond what seems smart. 

This is the time when it is important to really listen to your body. This is the time to be gentle with yourself. Yes, you probably could do one more thing, but is it the wise thing to do, the healing thing to do? Of course, there is the possibility of being self-indulgent, but really, how often do you actually do that? More than likely, you set high standards for yourself of what you "should" do, and now is not the time to worry about your self-imposed expectations. Yes, it is good to stretch, to pay attention to the signs of improvement, to be aware of tugs of normalcy, but make sure the drill sergeant inside isn't barking orders. 

Now is the time to stop and listen, to pause, to reflect, to ask yourself, "How am I really doing?" and "What do I really need?" 

Dear Friends, each one of us is always in some stage of healing and recovery. Only you know where you are. Sit with your own healing and be gentle with yourself.

May all be well. 

May the God who listens to our hearts and enters into our pain bless us and all who are in need with the comfort and quiet of Her gentle presence, now and always. Amen

                              Marchiene Vroon Rienstra

An Invitation

Where are you in the healing and recovery process? Are you aware of when you need to be gentle with yourself and when you need to stretch beyond yourself? I would love to know. 

Tuesday's Reflection: Birthday Celebration

Yesterday was my birthday. I am now 66. Being confined with a broken ankle is not exactly how I thought I would celebrate my birthday this year, but as my father is known for saying, "That's the way it is."

I recall many wonderful birthday celebrations in my life: going to see "My Fair Lady" on Broadway for my 13th birthday, celebrating my 40th with dear women friends at a surprise luncheon planned by my husband, doing Tai Chi on the beach in Zanzibar for my 50th. However, I also recall one year in my 30's when we got up in the morning to so much snow that all birthday plans were cancelled. 

Birthdays are not always easy to handle, and I think about a picture of what must have been my 6th birthday. My birthday guests are seated on the steps of our house, and I am turned away from them, sobbing. Was I overwhelmed? Disappointed? Was the reality less than what I had built up in my mind? Who knows, for that was 60 years ago, and I have learned over the decades that some years are just better and easier to celebrate and be celebrated than others. 

The Movement of God
I assume this will be one of those birthdays I will not forget, nor do I want to forget it, for even though I am confined and moving slowly, I recognize there are gifts in this time. The challenge is to recognize and honor them. Joan Chittister in her book The Story of Ruth offers a good starting place for ongoing reflection:

          Change points are those moments in life in which
          we get inside ourselves to find out that we are not,
          at the end, really one person at all. We are many--
          each of them lying in wait to come to life. We are
          each a composite of experiences and abilities, of
          possibilities and hopes, of memories, and wonder,
          of gifts and wishes. Every stage of life calls on a
          different dimension of the self. Every stage of life
          is another grace of being that teaches us something
          new about ourselves, that demands something sterner
          of ourselves, that enables us to learn something deeper
          about our God.
          
One of the questions often asked in spiritual direction is "How is God moving in your life right now?" A good question, and one that even though I am not moving very much right now or perhaps because I am not moving easily or quickly during these recovery weeks, this is the perfect time to reflect on the movement of God in my life right now. If you have been reading this blog, you know how much the theme of moving has figured into my life over the last couple years. Now my challenge is to come to a place of quiet and stillness in which to feel how God is moving in my life, "to learn something deeper about our God."

Questions for Discovery
Who is this Nancy who is not moving? Who is this Nancy whose springtime plans are on hold and whose lists for doing are not being accomplished? Who is this Nancy who loves quiet time for reading and writing and meditating, but when she chooses it? Who is this Nancy who prefers to handle her own needs and now must accept the help of many? What is this time-out preparing this Nancy to do, to be? Who is the Nancy who will come to life because of this time of not moving? 

One thing is clear: God is moving in my life, the life of this Nancy right now, in the form of all those who have offered prayers and well-wishes for my healing and all those, who have helped in so many concrete ways, especially my family. God is in the movement of my husband who has been the perfect combination of taking charge and doing what needs to be done, anticipating my needs, but backing off when that was the right response.  And pushing me when that was exactly what I needed. 

Every Moment of Your Life
In some ways I feel like a young child getting dressed and making my bed "all by myself," but I also feel like the accumulation of all my birthdays, entering years when there is more memory than future. Peter Levitt in his book Fingerpainting on the Moon, Writing and Creativity as a Path to Freedom says, "Step forward and put new ground beneath your feet every moment of your life." Every moment of your life means even those moments when your feet are not moving very steadily. It's in the "every moment" that one is invited to know the movement of God.

I am listening. I am stopping. I am becoming still. I am accepting. I am receiving. I am opening. I am healing. I am sensing the movement of God in my life. 

A Blessing
"May you move through the day with eyes open to the God who shines like the sun within and around you." Jan L. Richardson

An Invitation
How is God moving in your life right now? I would love to know. 

Reflection: Life Changes

We know the phrase "life changes on a dime," but in my case life changed with a turn on the ice. Monday we had a spring snow squall lightly covering patches of sheer ice. It is Minnesota after all. On my way to pick up recycling bins at a recreation center, one of those sneaky ice patches found me, and swoosh! down I went. The next thing I knew I was wrapped in a Green Bay Packer blanket, thanks to a nice passerby, and waiting for the ambulance. 

When one of the EMT guys (God Bless Them ALL!) asked me about my pain, I told him the pain wasn't terrible and that I am a "tough old bird." He chuckled and said he hadn't heard that one before. So glad I could brighten his day! 

I have never broken a bone before, but here I am with a badly broken ankle. I was admitted to the hospital, had surgery on Tuesday, and I came home Wednesday evening. I have a great team, who moved into place quickly, including my husband who returned from Madison immediately, and now recovery is beginning.  However, "back to normal" is off in the distant future. 

Lessons
No doubt there are lots of lessons to be learned. Someone suggested it is hard to accept help, and I have reflected on that and will do so more. Actually, I think I can accept help, but I am not very good asking for help, and there is a difference. My husband who is busy responding to my requests for water or another pillow or help getting to the bathroom, however, may think I know how to ask with no problem. 

My spiritual director suggested perhaps I need to slow down, saying sometimes "God does for us what we could not do for ourselves." If you have been reading this blog, you know that this past year plus has been a time of lots of doing. I have moved from one big task to another. Moving has been the theme.

A New Theme
I will have to find a new theme, for my moving is limited and aided with a walker for the time being. The Time Being. 
Therefore, I will read and I will write. I will smell the flowers that have been delivered to my doorstep and reread the many notes loved ones have sent. I will count my many blessings, including our daughter who met me in the ER soon after I arrived and has been on call ever since. I will sit and watch the little sparrow that comes to sit on the forsythia wreath on our front door. This in its own way is sacred time, and even though at times I will feel frustrated and disappointed at this turn of events, I intend to do my best to pay attention to what it is I am to learn. 

This past Sunday I attended a concert of John Rutter music performed by VocalEssence led by Philip Brunelle. You may have heard this group on Garrison Keillor's Prairie Home Companion. The opening piece, "Dedication," is my prayer, my hope, and perhaps my theme for this time. This Time of Being.

          May my hands be strong yet gentle;
          May my head be held up high.
          May my feet be firm upon the ground.
          With my face toward the sky.
          May my shoulders bear each burden,
          And my back be never bowed.
          May my heart be kind , and wise enough
          To be humble more than proud.
          With so many roads to follow,
           So many dreams, and schemes to plan,
           If I may not change the whole wide world,
           May I do the best I can.
           Amen.

An Invitation
When did your world last turn on a dime and what did you learn? How did that time deepen you spirituality?I would love to know. 

Note: Normally, I post on this blog every Tuesday and Thursday, but due to the recent event in my life I have not been able to stick with that schedule. I hope to resume a more normal schedule in the coming days.