A Reframing: From Paralysis to Pause

When I feel overwhelmed, whether by tasks, choices, ideas, or even eagerly anticipated events, I often feel paralyzed. 

 

I linger in bed in the morning even though I am awake--and time is a wasting! 

I play too many games of Solitaire on my phone or check the library online for titles I want to add to my hold list, which is already long.

I promise myself I will read just one more chapter in the book currently at my side, but --no surprise--one chapter turns into two or three more. 

I won't reveal all the ways I procrastinate, but there are many. Too many. 

Well, Monday morning I had a bit of an ah-ha. 

This week is a busy one. A week of major milestones. A week greatly anticipated. To begin with on Sunday we attended our granddaughter Maren's high school graduation, and it was glorious. She was stunning in her while suit, and how wonderful it was to celebrate her. After a summer adventure of canoeing in Alaska, she will attend Lewis and Clark in Portland, OR. 

On Thursday our Cleveland kids, Geof and Cricket arrive and oh how I can't wait to have them here after not being with them for over a year. Hugs!!! They are coming both for Maren's open house, but, also, our whole family is gathering for a graveside service to bury my Dad's ashes. An important and emotional time for all of us. 

The list is manageable, but still I felt stuck, not wanting to do the next thing. Or much of anything. That feeling of being paralyzed was all too familiar.

And then the ah-ha! Instead of labeling my inaction as paralysis, why not appreciate it and reframe it as a pause. A pause to breathe. A pause to gather energy. A pause to prepare. 

A pause to smell the roses and be present. 

A pause to pray.

Why is it we are so hard on ourselves. How often we criticize ourselves for not doing enough or not doing the right thing at the right time or for being lazy or passive? For being paralyzed. Instead, how wise we would be if we paused to listen to ourselves and to the voice of Spirit within.

Pausing is not the same as stopping or ignoring or giving up or disabling or being numb. Or denying. A pause is a recess, a time-out, an interlude. And then we move forward refreshed, more awake, and alert, open, and ready. 

An Invitation
Do you ever feel overwhelmed? If so, what helps? I would love to know. 

NOTE: Next week my "summer spirituality guide" will be available. 

 

Graduation: Thursday's Reflection

Saturday I drove past Augsburg College in Minneapolis and

Oh dear, my high school graduation day--bad hair and all! 

noticed small clusters of people. Each cluster included someone adorned in cap and gown. Graduation!

I immediately flashed on graduation days in my own life: high school and college, my husband Bruce's from medical school and of course, our children's graduations. And then just as quickly I thought how quickly Maren, our 13 year old granddaughter, will graduate from high school. 

Graduations are special days of celebration. 

A Brief Story
Both my husband Bruce and I graduated from St Olaf College in 1970. We had dated each other during those years, but not senior year. After the commencement ceremony, graduates picked up their actual diplomas in the registrar's office. Bruce and I passed each other on the walk outside the office, and I blithely said to him, "Have a nice life." Little did we know in just over a year we would marry each other and would create that "nice life" together.   

Graduations signal an ending and a beginning, one we hope will lead us to the desired "nice life." We graduate from something and someplace and graduate to something and someplace else. Graduation becomes a time of transition when we hold past, present, and future in our hands in the same moment. 

Imagine the person you are now walking across the stage of a commencement ceremony today. Take a deep breath and ask yourself,  What is it I am graduating from?  As I view my life what regrets or hurts require graduation? What "shoulds" I've held onto rigidly for oh, so many years deserve a ceremony of "been there, done that"? How about judgements about the way I think things or people should be --oops, another "should." Where have I been closed? 

As you return to your seat, diploma in hand, ask yourself, What does graduation signal for my present and my future? Graduation is a time to be grateful for the accomplishments in our life, the learnings and the ways we have been able to use our gifts and skills. How can I use my gifts now? What is it I am called to do now? Be now? Are there people we need to thank for their help, support and guidance over the years?   

How well do I really know myself? In what ways can I be more open? Where do I need to redirect my energy? What relationships do I need to tend? Can I build on my life experiences to live with more compassion, love and forgiveness? 

There are no official additional degrees or diplomas in my future and yet, graduation can be an ongoing theme in our wisdom years. 

                                For Celebration
                               John O'Donohue

                      Now is the time to free the heart,
                      Let all intentions and worries stop,
                      Free the joy inside the self,
                      Awaken to the wonder of your life.

                      Open your eyes and see the friends
                      Whose hearts recognize your face as kin,
                      Those whose kindness watchful and near,
                      Encourages you to live everything here.

                      See the gifts the years have given,
                      Things your effort could never earn,
                      The health to enjoy who you want to be
                      And the mind to mirror mystery.
                                            From To Bless the Space Between Us
                                                      A Book of Blessings 

An Invitation
Think of yourself as a graduate today. Listen to your heart. Where is your graduation leading you now? I would love to know. 

Thursday's Reflection: Graduation

As I wrapped a present for our youngest niece who is graduating from college next week, I thought about my own college graduation 45 years ago. Is that really possible? I remember being on campus and seeing all those "old" people return for Homecoming or reunions or the annual Christmas Festival and feeling a bit smug in my youth. Now I am one of those old people, and I am no longer smug.

I was one of the lucky ones in 1970. I had a job before my diploma was in my hands, a teaching contract for a brand new junior high school in Rochester, MN, and I was more than eager to begin that challenge. I felt ready to begin the next stage in my life. 

On my way to the registrar's office to pick up my diploma after the ceremony, I passed the man who is now my husband. We had dated in college off and on, but mostly off, as we always say when someone asks us about how we met. We had not dated senior year, but we were friends with no hard feelings about our stalled relationship. As we passed each other, I waved and said, "Have a nice life." And that was that. Little did I know that in the summer of 1971 we would get married, but that is another story. A good story. 

What I didn't know on graduation day --and how can anyone know--was all the detours I would take, all the scenic overlooks that would grab my attention, all the joys and sorrows, the changes, even the dead ends. Two children now with wonderful spouses, two grandchildren, several moves and homes, a circle of friends, changes in career, loss of my mother and a few friends. Opportunities taken and opportunities missed. 

I thought I knew on graduation day whom I was, and, of course, what I have learned over the years was that I only knew a version of myself. Those years between 1970 and today allowed me to form,  re-form, modify and clarify that knowledge of myself. I accepted new roles and added layers to myself over the years--not always true ones. I sometimes allowed myself to be what others wanted me to be, but sometimes the expectations of others helped me know more about whom I really am and not just whom I thought I wanted to be. 

I continue to learn, but now the search is not so much about my persona in the world, but, instead, is much more about discovering the person I was created to be and how to live my essence. A spiritual search for sure. 

And the time to conduct this search is certainly shorter than it once was. 

As we age many of us struggle, especially when faced with serious physical challenges, to be whom we are, but what does that really mean? How do we define whom we are? What is it that makes me, me and you, you? When do you feel most like the person you were created to be? Are you still that person when stripped of certain roles in your life or physical or mental abilities? 

I have no concrete answers, but I know that intentionally including spiritual practices into my life and attempting to live in the present moment enhances my awareness of this person I call "me." I know that thinking about what gives my life meaning and what my purpose is now, even though what I may DO in the world may feel diminished, helps me dig down to my essence. I know that for me paying attention to how God is moving in my life helps me stay in touch with my ongoing evolution into myself.

I rejoice for all those who are graduating. I thank God for their talents and abilities, their desires and hopes and dreams. May all be well for them, especially our dear niece. But I urge them to look kindly on all of us who graduated so long ago, for we still have our hopes and dreams, too, and we still have gifts to share, and we are still becoming whom we were created to be. 

An Invitation
How are you evolving? What do you know now about yourself that you didn't know when you last wore a cap and gown? I would love to know.