Lost time.
Found time.
With the return to daylight savings time, I have been thinking about my relationship to time. Probably, I am thinking about time also because in a month I turn 70.
Where has the time gone?
Well, I certainly could list all the many ways the years have been filled. The kids. The jobs. The moves. The grandkids. The volunteer work. The friends.
The gifts.
The losses.
The challenges.
Day to day life as it exists.
The years that have passed have not been empty ones. Nor do I expect the coming ones will be empty, either, but they may fill in different ways and for sure, there will not be as many years ahead of me, as I have been privileged to live.
I have written before in this blog about "found" time, including this post. "Found" time is when something that is planned is cancelled. When all of a sudden there is an opening on the calendar or the schedule. Sometimes I fill that space with the next thing on the list, but sometimes I simply breathe into that time. I may retire into the snug to read, as I did one afternoon this week. My writing group decided not to struggle with the icy roads and bus delays and a cold that wouldn't end, and we cancelled. I could have and maybe should have spent the afternoon writing, but instead I grabbed a book from my pile and read it cover to cover. An afternoon of reading. Hurrah! That is the best kind of "found" time. A luxury of time.
For me "found" time is an exercise in discernment. Here is unplanned time I didn't expect to have, now how do I want to spend it? "Found" time is an occasion to exercise one's Sacred Yes and Sacred No. To be aware and awake to the call of an inner voice.
Now what about "lost" time? That's harder. In a day or two I will have forgotten the hour lost as we moved into daylight savings time, but I know there are ways I have lost time over the years.
I have lost time when I have dwelt on hurts and frustrations, on worries and fears. I have lost time when I have set aside my heart's yearnings. I have lost time when I have wrapped myself in rigidity and inflexibility or when I have tried to control someone or some situation in my life.
This adds up to a lot of "lost" time.
So here's what I am thinking. I have no idea how much time I have left in my life, but I intend to live each day as a kind of "found" time. A day to find joy and peace. A day to be grateful and to rejoice in the unbelievable riches in my life. A day to enjoy the simple things, the ordinary days. A day to use my gifts. A day to deepen my relationship to God. To open the door to God.
An Invitation
What are your thoughts about time? I would love to know.
