Stunned. Sad. Scared.
That's how I felt when I heard the news Friday evening about the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I didn't sleep well that night, waking up frequently feeling a bit unsteady about what the loss of this dignified, but fierce woman will mean for the future of this country.
Nina Totenberg, the American legal affairs correspondent for National Public Radio, called her "a force to be reckoned with," and oh, how grateful I am we had that force for as long as we did, but what now?
Somehow it didn't feel right to carry on with business as usual Saturday morning, but I know myself well enough to know that what I most need when I experience a flurry of messy feelings is to sit with those feelings. To listen to what those feelings tell me, especially about how to respond.
I started the day as I do most days--with time for devotion, prayer and meditation. I read this in Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman.
We are not alone in the world. We are bound to
the rest of creation as cells in a body are bound
together.
And not only bound to the living, but bound to
the dead. We feel this to be true as well, though
we don't understand how.
I thought about RBG's legacy--not only the way she lived her life and the vast influence she had on the Supreme Court, but the example she set for women and for men, too. That does not disappear because she has died. She is bound to the living forever more.
I know there are difficult days ahead. Shaky at best, and those of us who pray and work for a change in the administration know RBG's death at this time is a blow, but we can each be a "force to be reckoned with," too.
So what did I do with those messy feelings?
Well, I do what I often do when I need to find energy and clarification for the next steps: I clean. I know that sounds silly, but it usually works for me. There is nothing like cleaning a bathroom or two to get back to basics. Getting down on my hands and knees to scrub floors is not just humbling, it reminds me that the next thing to do is whatever is in front of you.
Two small things were in front of me: I sat at my lady's writing desk in the living room and I worked on another big stack of postcards reminding people to vote. And then I signed a petition from MoveOn.org about waiting till after the election to confirm a new Supreme Court Justice. Sign here!
I am still stunned, sad, and even scared, but RBG didn't stop working for justice and equality, and neither should we.
Oh, and one more thing. I know that an antidote to not doing anything is to do something that brings pleasure--something that awakens the soul to beauty and enhances one's ability to live fully. For me on a beautiful fall Saturday that meant driving in the country and looking for pumpkins.
I slept much better Saturday night.
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