We recently learned about the untimely and sudden death of a friend.She wasn't a close friend, but she was more than an acquaintance. When we thought of her our thoughts were warm ones, friendly ones, often accompanied by an intention. "We must get together with her and her husband soon."
She and her husband moved back to Minnesota -- a city not far from us -- about the same time we returned to Minnesota. For whatever reason we didn't extend an invitation, didn't make definite plans.
It never occurred to us there would not be enough time in the future. And now, thanks to a blog clot that took her life, we will not have that opportunity.
And now, along with being devastated for her family, I am so sad.
I regret that I didn't act on what would have been so easy and more than likely, so pleasant.
"Melissa, I am so sorry didn't I call or email you and say, 'Hey, are you free next week? Let's meet for dinner.'"
"Melissa, I am so sorry I didn't get to know you better."
Regrets come in a variety of sizes and shapes, of course, but for me they are more often wrapped in a package of "what I didn't do," rather than "what I did."
How interesting that the very first chapter in my much-used book, The Gift of Years, Growing Older Gracefully by Joan Chittister is titled "Regret." She calls regret one of the "ghosts of aging," and "the sand trap of the soul," because it tempts us to wallow, to brood, and to sink into the past and "sour the immediate."
I can't bring my friend back, but I can become more aware of the opportunities I have right now to grow friendships and to use my energy and gifts in life-enhancing ways. Chittister views the twinges of regret as an invitation--a "step-over point in life."
The blessing of regret is clear--it brings us,
if we willing to face it head on, to the point of
being present to this new time of life in an
entirely new way. It urges us on to continue
becoming. p. 5
An Invitation
How are you responding to your regrets? I would love to know.
NOTE: The artwork is by Steve Sorman, whose beloved wife Melissa died earlier this month.
Beautiful thoughts about regrets. I think it's normal to feel some guilt in these circumstances, but then to learn the lesson about it (i.e., be more intentional with the opportunities that are in front of you) and put those good intentions into action. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Melanie. I think the connection between regrets and guilt is so interesting and how the antidote so often is action.
ReplyDelete