I love working in my garret, and, in fact, I spend much of each day in the garret, writing at my desk, reading in my Girlfriend Chair, or meeting with spiritual direction clients. Sometimes, however, I stall. My work feels stale, and what I need is a change of scene. Sometimes it is good to pick myself up and relocate to where I can feel the energy of other people's interactions and connections. Get thee to a coffee shop, I tell myself.
I did that recently. How grateful I am that I can respond so easily to the need for a change of scene. That may not always be the case.
Mary Pipher in her new book Women Rowing North, Navigating Life's Currents and Flourishing As We Age, notes that at seventy, the average person spends about seven hours a day alone. That doesn't include sleeping.
For some, those hours are ones of deep loneliness, but others are more content and are enriched by the solitude. Most of us will experience a mixture of both loneliness and solitude, and the difference, Pipher says, is our attitude. No surprise there. Pipher encourages us, even if you are an extrovert, perhaps especially if you are an extrovert, to develop a host of activities to enjoy when we are alone.
The more we do this, the more likely we are
to enjoy our lives as we age. When we use our
skills for self-nourishment and to foster deeper
connections with the people who remain in our
lives, loneliness transforms into solitude. (p.95)
As a child, my family moved many times, and I experienced many lonely times. We moved during the summer and unless there was someone on our new block who was my age, I didn't have a chance to develop new friendships till school started in the fall. I know now I am an introvert by nature, but that doesn't mean I wasn't lonely. Mainly, I turned to reading and riding my bike.
As an adult when we moved, I had more options to make friends and to create a new life, but doing so was easier said than done, and I was often lonely. Gradually, however, I discovered the opportunities I had in the lonely times--to read and study more, to pray more and to integrate a variety of spiritual practices into my life. Being alone allowed me some freedom -- to choose how I most wanted to spend my time. To listen to my inner voice and how Spirit was calling me. In the process I discovered the gifts of solitude.
I hibernate well. I am content in my sanctuary, and that is a good thing in this winter of snow and more snow and more snow, but sometimes it is good to leave the garret. An Invitation
How do you manage loneliness? What have you done to transform loneliness into solitude?
Nancy, I am very much like you. I'm an introvert and a writer and reader. I moved several times when I was a kid too, and I eventually made friends by in the meantime I rode my bike, played outside, and read. I don't remember ever feeling lonely. I rather liked - and still do! - my own company.
ReplyDeleteNow as an adult, I crave and relish my alone time. I can easily spend all day alone as I have many interests. I write, do yoga, decorate, putter, garden, cook, bake, interact with my cats, listen to music, research on the computer, and read. But then I've had enough alone time and I love getting together with a friend or family member for coffee or a meal out or even a little day trip.
It sounds as if you have found a good balance for your life. Bravo!
DeleteFeeling lonely because of this major loss--of course, but it sounds as if you are taking care of yourself in the best ways. Go ahead and talk to your Mom. Why not!
ReplyDeleteLove your pool story--you have found your people!