What I Didn't Do This Winter: Tuesday's Reflection

The snow is melting, faster than the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz dissolved when she was doused with water. Bare brown patches are appearing, and the parking only on one side of the street regulation has been lifted. Normally, I am not ready for winter to be over. Like a bear content in her cave, in years past I have pretended not to smell spring in the air. 

Not this year. I am ready to shed the winter layers of heavy coat and scarf and gloves and boots and to fold up the shawl and throws.  Think salads, instead of stews and soups, I say. 

Bring on the spring energy.

The change of seasons, however, also requires, at least for me, some evaluation, and I turn to my winter to do lists in my bullet journal. How did I do?

Pretty good, I think. It has been a productive writing time. I have revised three chapters of my memoir and started on a 4th. I snuggled in on long winter's nights to read and read and read for a total of  reading 31 books since the beginning of the new year. That's what bears do in their caves!  

I have done a number of other things on my list, but where do my eyes gravitate? To what I didn't do this winter. Of course.

I didn't:
*     Organize the family photos. How many years have I failed to start, let alone accomplish that goal? I had great hopes of at least creating some photo books with specific themes. Nope. Didn't happen.
*      Organize important documents--all the information our family will need if/when something happens to Bruce or myself. We have our advanced directives, and we made our plans for cremation, but the rest of it is not in good order. 
*       Redo my blog. I know there are things I could do to attract more readers. I should have a website, I am told. I keep thinking about hiring someone to help me with this, but then I don't.
*       Use the exercycle every morning. I did use it some, and I liked using it, so why didn't I make that part of my routine? Nor did I use our snowshoes, and that is a real shame, for the snow was perfect this year. 
*       Visit the Minneapolis Institute of Arts (MIA) for the special exhibits during African-American History Month nor did we go on a field trip to the Maritime Museum in Winona, Minnesota. We had planned to do that, but the weather changed our plans more than once. 
*        Make my mammogram appointment. Actually, I can cross that off the list, for I made that call yesterday.

I missed my chance with some of the items on the list. Others become perennial leftovers. Maybe next season. Maybe next winter. 

I haven't yet made a Spring List. I am like that bear at the entrance of the cave, its nose twitching in the fresh air. Can I trust that winter has truly ended? Maybe I'll wait to make a new list till all evidence of snow in our yard has disappeared. Maybe I'll wait till my husband can't resist a trip to the nursery any longer and comes home with pansies for a planter on the front steps. Maybe I'll wait till Lent has turned into Easter's resurrection. Or maybe I won't make a list this season. What would that feel like? 

                 Help me to be less fearful of the measure
                 of time, and more fully alive in the time that
                 simply is. Help me to live time, not just to
                 simply use it; to breathe it in, and return it in
                 acts of love and presence. 
                                                   Avis Crowe

An Invitation
What was on your winter list? How did you do? I would love to know. 

Always More To Do: Thursday's Reflection

One of the categories on my weekly "To Do" list is "Leftovers." This category lists items I didn't complete in a given week, but still intend to do. Week after week this summer I transferred two items. 

1.     Take several pieces of jewelry to someone who can repair them.

2.      Make an appointment with Bradshaw Funeral and Cremation Services to arrange for green cremation of our bodies after we have died. 

This week I finally acted on both items, and, of course, after doing them, I wondered what took me so long? Why did I delay? After all, I had checked off many tasks each week, so why did I procrastinate about these two assignments?

Of course, sometimes when a task is ignored long enough, the need for it disappears. I certainly could have decided that having these various pieces of jewelry repaired was not necessary. I have more than enough jewelry, but these are pieces I have worn often and would enjoy wearing them again. In the case of planning ahead for our cremation, I could decide to leave those arrangements to our family when the time comes, but does that make sense when we can do it now? 

Some items I tell myself I need to do never make it to my "to do" list--tasks like sorting and organizing our boxes of photographs or like consulting with someone about how to improve the look and use of this blog. Both of these things weigh on me, but I know I will move them into the "leftover" category week after week, and I just don't want that kind of pressure. 

Much of our daily life can be sorted into "easy tasks" and "hard tasks." Those are different for each of us, of course, but how we respond indicates a lot about who we are now, what is important to us now, and how we are living our life. It occurs to me that our sorting process is part of attempting to live a balanced life. Fixing my jewelry feels like living in the present moment, deciding how to accessorize today's outfit, but with a bow to the past, remembering when I was given a piece or where I bought it. Our green cremation plans acknowledge our mortality, which is the future for each of us.  

Where am I going with this? To be honest, I don't actually know, but I think intentional reflection about how we spend our days, the easy and the difficult, is important. I have today, and I pray I have tomorrow--many tomorrows, but I don't have a crystal ball to give me my personal timeline. I just need to do the best I can to live with grace and purpose. 

An Invitation
What is on your "leftovers" list? What is your criteria for what you do and don't do? I would love to know. 

NOTE: You can find out about Green Cremation here.