This past Saturday was one of those days my husband Bruce and I most love. In the morning he attended a men's book club at church in which they discussed Barbara Brown Taylor's Learning to Walk in the Dark, and I enjoyed cleaning the house. No, I am not exaggerating. I enjoyed moving from room to room, spitspotting and shining and straightening here and there, bringing a springier look to the house. When Bruce got home, he wondered what I had planned for the rest of the day. Now truth be told, if he hadn't asked the question, I would have been content to retreat to the garret to write, but he asked, so I knew he had roaming on his mind.
That is something we do well--roam. We are not Point A to Point B people. We are people who know there are many unexpected points between where we start and where we think we might want to end up. We aren't big risk-takers, but we do like to see what is around the next bend.
I said I would like to go look for a new ceiling light for the bathroom. I know that sounds dull, but doing that led us to several shops we knew would tease us with treasures. Not only did we find a small blingy chandelier, which will be perfect, but we stopped in a florist shop, Martha's Gardens, and bought two small pots of miniature daffodils and grape hyacinth and had a charming conversation with the owner, too.
Then it was time for lunch. Now, we could have gone to one of our favorite neighborhood spots, but why not try some place new--on the other side of town. Off we went, kind of, sort of knowing where it was. I should say that we are not GPS kind of people. Maps, yes, and even Google maps, but we are more apt to ask "That looks like it might be the way?" and take a chance because who knows what we will find.
What we found was Yum! Kitchen and Bakery. Yes, there was a long line for ordering at the counter, but that gave us more time to see what everyone around us was ordering and to have a friendly chat with the woman standing in front of us who could be a best friend if we lived next door to each other. We almost exchanged phone numbers. We each ordered the krabby patti, and sat at a communal table where I flirted with a one year old and overheard the mom's friend announce she was pregnant. It was hard not to interrupt with my own congratulations, but I resisted.
What we didn't resist was ordering dessert to take home with us for our evening meal. Coconut cake. The only question is when will we return to try something else?
At that point we could have returned home to our various solo activities, but I suggested going to The Open Book which is where the Minnesota Center for the Book Arts, The Loft Literary Center and Milkweed Press are housed. Once again we headed to another part of the city, this time not far from The Guthrie Theatre. I had been to a meeting at The Loft earlier in the week and was intrigued by the rehabbed building, but didn't have time to snoop in the gift shop or enjoy the exhibits in the gallery or sit in the coffee shop. Why not today? And off we went, taking the long way round and why not?
Finally, we ambled our way home, driving through what had been our loop of life when we lived here before--the area where Bruce did his family practice residency and where he had his practice until we moved to Cleveland over 20 years ago. Such changes there have been, including a boutique in the building once called Smiley's Point, which had been home to the family practice residency program.
As we crossed the Mississippi River into St Paul, we spotted an eagle soaring over the almost open water, signaling a shift in the seasons. What a good day.
Bruce and I have always been good tourists wherever we have lived, but now there is a spaciousness to our roaming. Busyness has been replaced by fullness in our lives. The limitations of work and other needs have been replaced with a more open-ended feeling. Our pace is different. There seems to be more space around each thing we choose to do. Time to breathe. Time to divert and go down an unfamiliar street.
Bruce is still working, but he is no longer "on call," and now he works at part-time at home, creating his own schedule, adapting to his own energy and agenda. I have set writing goals for myself, and we are both becoming involved in a variety of activities plus we love our kid care assignments, but we have the ability to flow in a way that was not possible in our younger years.
I like the term "thinning out," that Toinette Lippe uses in her book Caught in the Act, Reflections on Being, Knowing, and Doing. I heard someone say recently that she wasn't retiring, but instead was just changing her activities, and I like that, too, but this feels to me more like a time of re-engagement. It seems to me that implies choice and intention and also awareness of who I am and what I have to give and how I can best do that. How exciting is that!
An Invitation
What have you noticed about how you choose to spend your time?
Are you busy or are you living a life of fullness? Where are you roaming? I would love to know.
Recently, two sets of house guests were not able to come stay with us as planned. At first, of course, I was disappointed. I had looked forward to spending time with my friends, and I was sorry circumstances had forced their cancellation. However, over the years I have learned to replace disappointment with the concept of "found" time.
The Choices in "Found" Time
Those days of "found" time were instructive for me. Part of the time I continued with the pre-arranged plans. I had tickets for the Italian Fashion exhibit at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts and decided to attend even though my friend wasn't with me. Yes, it would have been more fun if my friend had been with me, and I knew she would have loved it, but I decided to see it as if she were with me, to see it with two pairs of eyes. What would she have noticed? Which ensembles would she have most liked? While there, I thought about what she would like to know, and I paid attention for both of us.
We had planned a dinner date with a mutual friend, someone I don't see very often on a one to one basis. While we both missed our friend as we lifted a glass of wine to her, we made the most of our time together, deepening our friendship. The time was rich.
I had only vague plans for when my other friend had planned to visit, and I needed to think about how to view that open space. My husband was attending a conference one of the days my friend had planned to be here, making the time truly my own. I always have a backlog of things I want to do or need to do, but I decided to use the "found" days to ignore the list and instead, read and write. I sunk into our current book club selection instead of squeezing in time in which to read it, and therefore, I enjoyed it more. I floated between reading chairs and my desk where I immersed myself in my writing project. I did this and that and relaxed into each of the choices. A key word, choice.
Views of Time
I could have been frustrated or paralyzed with disappointment. I could have felt sorry for myself, and I certainly remember times in my life when I have felt that way when plans have changed. Sometimes when time opens up, we let it float away without respecting the unexpected gift. No matter the circumstances, we each have the same 24 hours each day, but how many days we will each have is the unknown, making the choice of how to spend our days even more important.
I think about a friend who is not allowed to drive for three months because of a recent cardiac episode. Perhaps time is moving slowly for her, especially during these busy holiday weeks. Another friend may feel time is moving too quickly, for her husband who has been battling cancer for the past three years has now been told further treatment will not keep the cancer at bay for much longer. How will they use this time?
The Practice of Discernment
One of the topics I am exploring in the book I am writing is the spiritual practice of discernment. Often we think about discernment when it comes to the big issues in our life--moving to a different part of the country, deciding when to retire, confronting decisions about a knee or hip replacement, or focusing on opportunities for service and for growth in our later years. It seems to me, however, that discernment, the practice of discernment, can apply to all areas of our life. Monika Ellis, OSB in an article in: Presence, An International Journal of Spiritual Direction says discernment is a "way of life," "a way of walking with one's heart, ears and eyes wide open, all in readiness for receiving God, who appears and speaks to us." Sister Monika encourages us to remember the wisdom of our feelings and to listen attentively to our whole self.
If we do that -- listen attentively to our whole self -- or, as I have discussed in previous posts, stay awake, discernment can apply to decisions and choices we might classify as small ones, too; ones that seem more incidental or immediate--which book to read or how much time to spend on the internet and whether to take a nap or do the next thing on the list. In addition, practicing discernment in our lives can affect our decision whether or not to reach out to someone who is lonely or struggling with life in some way or determining how to respond to someone who has hurt you or who irritates you. These decisions might not require as much examination as the decisions we think of as the major fork of the road decisions in our life, but the practice of discernment reminds us to slow down, to visit our own heart as a voice of authority and wisdom.
To do that, Sister Monika says we need to give ourselves three gifts: space alone with oneself, time to center ourselves and connect with our depths, and quiet. With ongoing attention to these gifts, we become more aware of our ability to discern and follow our soul's desire.
Discerning Your Use of Time
How do you use your time? Do you guard your time? Hoard your time? Relish your time? Fill your time? Do you share your time? Waste your time, and if so what does it mean exactly, to waste your time? Do you have time on your hands?
How we choose to use our time is how we choose to live our life.
An Invitation
What is your relationship to time right now? Are you willing to cultivate the practice of discernment as a tool for following your heart's desire as you move through your day? I would love to know.
