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| Practicing My Smile! |
Once upon a time a dear friend and I had a conversation about the expressions we wear in the world. We had both noticed that we often look as if we are angry or frustrated or bored or unapproachable. We realized that we scowl more than we smile, even though our feelings in the moment in no way match the look we present to the world. Since that revealing conversation, I have been more aware of looking pleasant, even when I am waiting in a long line or when my ankle hurts from walking just a bit too far. I admit I don't always live up to this personal goal, but I am working on it, and I recently I have received some help along the way.
Smiling in The Morning
My first reminder comes from Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Buddhist monk who makes me smile just thinking about him and the abundance of wisdom he shares with the world. On my bedside table right now is a little book called Present Moment, Wonderful Moment, Mindfulness Verses for Daily Living. This book highlights everyday, ordinary activities like washing your hands and turning on the computer with simple verses called gathas and a reflection on the specific verse.
The first verse is about waking up.
Waking up this morning I smile.
Twenty-four brand new hours are before me.
I vow to live fully in each moment
and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.
The reflection about this verse says, "Your smile affirms your awareness and determination to live in peace and joy. How many days slip by in forgetfulness? What are you doing with your life? Look deeply, and smile. The source of a true smile is an awakened mind. " (p. 7)
I smile at the idea that a smile is a sign of my determination to live in peace and joy, for often I think the expression on my face is one of determination. I am determined to accomplish the task I have set out to do and to do it efficiently and successfully. I am determined to keep moving on to the next thing without interruption or delay. What a wonderful concept that by smiling I announce my determination to live in peace and joy and to cultivate an awakened mind. I don't have an awakened mind, however, and therefore, I need to practice smiling. The spiritual practice of smiling!
Practicing an Inner Smile
My second lesson in smiling comes from another book, Roaming Free Inside the Cage, A Daoist Approach to the Enneagram and Spiritual Transformation by William M. Schafer, Ph.D., which introduced me to the Daoist meditation practice called the Inner Smile. Schafer says the Inner Smile is a "wonderful antidote to the Inner Frown." My Inner Frown often manifests as an Outer Frown, but not too surprisingly, the Inner Smile becomes an Outer Smile, and I feel the peace and joy I say I want to create and live.
Here's how to do it:
Put your fingers to the corners of your mouth and rub them
outward along the smile line. Feel your face soften.
Gently place the tip of your tongue to the roof of your
mouth, just behind your upper front teeth. Do it
gently, don't push. Rub your fingers along the smile
lines some more. Feel what happens inside your face.
Can you feel your mouth soften? Now let the softness
fall from your mouth down inside your chest. You can
let the smile go right to your heart. Take a full breath.
Feel the softness…Draw the next breath all the way down
into the belly, under your solar plexus. Keep smiling.
Let yourself feel how present, joyful, and aware you
are this very moment. p. 46.
It works; it really does, and the inner smile spreads, becoming an outer smile. Try it. What's the worst that can happen?
An Invitation
How do you look to the world? Is that the way you want the world to see you? What happens when you are intentional about smiling? I would love to know.
What has made you smile today?
If you've walked by our house recently, perhaps the sight of a rubber ducky in the birdbath made you smile. I hope so. My husband got the idea to add this little piece of amusement to the front garden, and it does make me smile every time I go in or out the front door. It reminds me to smile and also to be open to smile-producing possibilities around me.
What's There to Smile About?
Having a house on the market is serious business, and nothing about it makes me smile. Our home has been reduced to more of a product than our shelter and source of contentment, creativity, and connection. The goal has been to reduce our own identity in the house and return it to a more neutral state in hopes that potential buyers can imagine themselves in the house. I get it and have done what needs to be done, but smiling about it seems too much to ask.
The rubber ducky in the birdbath, therefore, is even more of a treat.
My Smiling Experiment
On a recent Target run, I decided, as I walked through the door, I was not only going to smile my way through the aisles, but I was going to find one thing to smile about for every item on my list. Here's my list and what produced smiles.
Toilet paper. A baby about 8 months old wearing the most colorful combination of dots and stripes. I smiled at her. She smiled at me.
Kleenex. An older couple, each with a cane, in a minor skirmish about which paper towels to buy. I smiled at them. They smiled at me.
Laundry detergent and dishwasher detergent. No one in these aisles, so I smiled at myself. That works, too.
French vanilla lowfat yogurt. A Target employee unpacking cartons of yogurt. I asked him what flavor of yogurt he likes best. "None of it," he said. "My mom made me eat it all the time when I was a kid and now I don't even like unpacking it!" I smiled at him, and he smiled at me.
Eggs. Eggs just by themselves should make anyone smile. Think about it--the whites, the yolk, inside a hard, yet fragile container. Weird. Why not smile just because?
At the check-out line I smiled at the college-aged girl in front of me. She didn't return my smile. I smiled at the clerk and asked her how her day was going so far. "Fine," she said and sort of smiled. At least I am going to interpret it as a smile.
Smiling Words
Caren Goldman in her book Healing Words for the Body, Mind, and Spirit, 101 Words to Inspire and Affirm explores what Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh has to say about smiling.
Our smiles affirm our awareness and determination
to live lives filled with peace and joy. Moreover, when
we remember to smile when awakening--even if it takes
hanging a reminder such as a branch, a leaf, a painting,
or some inspiring words close by--it helps us approach
the day with gentleness and understanding. Even the tiniest
bud of a smile on our lips has the healing power to
relax all the muscles in our face, banish worries and
fatigue, nourish awareness, calm us, and return us to
the peace we thought we had lost.
I returned home to the rubber ducky in the bird bath, and we exchanged smiles.
An Invitation
I invite you to do your own smiling experiment. What happens when you smile? What makes you smile? What difference, if any, does it make when you smile? I await your comments.
