Showing posts with label decision-making. Show all posts
Showing posts with label decision-making. Show all posts

Monday, August 19, 2013

Tuesday Morning's Reflection: Packed Up--Again

I don't like to pack. Actually, what I don't like is making decisions about what to pack. 

Overpacking
Because this has been an unpredictable summer,  I am never sure I will have the right clothes for the current temperature. True, since I drive the Madison to St Paul route, I can fill the car with as much as I want, but the excellent laundry facility in the apartment building makes such overpacking unnecessary.  
Plus, I tend to wear solid color pants, often black, along with white blouses--I have a closet full of white blouses--and that "uniform" should make the whole process easier, too. For some reason, however, it doesn't. I had an easier time packing for two weeks in Paris using only a carry-on bag than I do for a week in St Paul! 

Then there is the books and writing materials problem. That's even harder. Some people are afraid of speaking in public or of snakes. My fear is I won't have the "right" book when I finish whatever I am currently reading. (Ok, I'm afraid of snakes, too.) Now this is truly a ridiculous fear, for the book shelf in the apartment holds several titles I have not yet read and know I will enjoy AND there are good bookstores close by, including Garrison Keillor's Common Good Books. 

The writing materials issue makes a little more sense to me. What will I have time to work on? What will I need in order to work on it? If I write a blog post on a certain topic, what materials from my library at home would help me do that? On and on the indecisiveness stretches. 

Ultimately, I fill a bag or two with far more than what I will need or have time to use. 

Big vs Little Decisions
So what is this all about anyway? It isn't just about not having the right necklace or the book with the right quote for a blog post. 
Is this decreasing ability to make a decision an age thing? Have you discovered yourself having a harder time making decisions? 
What kinds of decisions?

I think I am still decisive about the bigger things. All of a sudden it was clear--take the house off the market now! I have not vacillated about my father's care, for example. This is what is needed--do it. I didn't spend hours wondering which painter to hire to redo the front porch, for example. Instead, I declared, "When can you get started?" 

Nope, not the bigger things, but the little things. What to fix for dinner or choose at a restaurant. "What do you want to do today?" my husband says. "I don't know," I often reply, feeling genuine distress as I say it. 

Decision-Making and Spiritual Practice
I suspect my current difficulty about making small decisions has to do with a general feeling of unsettledness. Not only "what next?", but "when?" and even "how?" Making the "right"  little decision is a way to exercise some control, false as that may be. I wonder if it isn't also a way to slow down the swirl I feel around me, an unpredictable swoosh of future time, but at the same time a way to fill the emptiness of waiting. Of responding to what feels like slow-motion steps towards fulfillment of our plans. A paradox, the hallmark of later life. 

What to do? 

Well, I do the best I can. I pack more white blouses than I will wear. My bags full of books and notebooks become part of my weight lifting program, as I lug them from place to place. 

And I stop. 

I close my eyes and I breathe. I ask for self-awareness for when I most need to be gentle with myself. I ask for lightness of spirit to replace the self-designated heaviness of each little decision. Finally, and most importantly, I give thanks for all the gifts of my life, including the luxury of choices. 

An Invitation
I welcome comments from you about the role of decision-making in your life. What decisions are easy for you to make? Which ones are not so easy, and has that changed since you have gotten older? What are your strategies for making decisions, big and small? 

Friday, April 12, 2013

It's Easier Not To, a Post by Nancy L. Agneberg

Earlier this week I had second thoughts about going to the Booktalk session I attend, even though we would be discussing one of my all-time favorite books, Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. The morning was gloomy with heavy rains and an unspringlike temperature, and the temptation to stay home and read and write was strong. Attendance is not taken. No one in particular in the large group of 50 or so people would be waiting for me--and there would aways be next week. Wouldn't there? 
     However, I remembered a conversation I had recently with a good friend. She and her husband had just returned from a month-long winter vacation in warmer weather. They had an opportunity to attend an event they both knew they would enjoy, but it was not in familiar territory and would take an effort to make it happen. They almost didn't go, for as she said, "It's easier not to," but they did go, and they had a great time and loved talking about the experience. 
     I went to the book discussion and, of course, had a great time, learned a lot and enjoyed the facilitator's insights and what everyone else added to the conversation. I am so glad I went, but "it would have been easier not to go." 
     I love my solitude and am generally content with the company of my books and my writing projects. I love the quiet of my days, the long stretches for solitary activities. I am rarely bored and in fact, there are not enough hours in the day for all the ways I want to use the time. I know how easy it is for me to just stay put, how often I build a fence around myself, and how much easier it seems to stay inside the fence. At the same time I know how I benefit and grow from being in the flow of the world with its unexpected interactions, the gifts of others' experiences and knowledge and perspectives, the potential heart connections, and the opportunities to stretch and grow. 
     For some the choices beyond the fence may be the easier choice, and it is much harder to choose quiet, alone time. The struggle is the same, however -- when to push beyond one's comfort zone and when one's first inclination, whatever it may be, is the wiser choice for one's spiritual growth. 
     It seems to me that the small, daily decisions are just as important as the big ones, for they are ongoing reminders of our values. The decisions we make uncover the contradictions within ourselves and expose how complicated we are and provide opportunities to wrestle with our fears and perceived limitations.  
     How do you know at any given moment what to choose? 
     Nancy Bieber in her book Decision Making and Spiritual Discernment, The Sacred Art of Finding Your Way talks about "open listening" and "expectant listening" as ways to listen with the intention of receiving whatever comes. She says, "The Spirit nudges us toward being more authentic, growing more into our true self." 
     For me, clarity and choosing what is life-giving is more possible (Notice I say "more possible," not "always possible.") when I adhere to a regular practice of meditation. Meditation helps me sort through the conflicting voices and observe when the thoughts are a form of defense and when a thought prevents me from being the person I was created to be. The form of meditation may change--centering prayer or just sitting quietly with my eyes closed and focusing on my breathing. Meditation helps me listen to my authentic voice. 
     Meditation helps me recognize when I need to move beyond the fence.