Tuesday Reflection: The Next Step

Yesterday was a big day. I had an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon's physician assistance as a follow-up to the surgery for my broken ankle two weeks ago, First, there was the challenge of getting me out of the house and into the car and out of the car and into the office. Trust me, you don't want to know all those details.

Then there was the removal of the cast and a new set of X-rays.

How thrilled we were to learn that healing is going well and is progressing on schedule. Very good news. That is the most important thing.

However, I am still at the "no weight bearing" stage, even though I have graduated from cast to boot and I have at least 4-6 weeks before I can drive and have more of a normal in and out, out and about kind of life. Going upstairs to my office garret area and downstairs to our family room are activities not yet on the allowed list. Disappointing, for sure, and last night I permitted myself to give into the blues and to sink into the exhaustion from the day.

A New Day

Today, however, is a new day, and I am figuring out how to manage this next step. Without the cast, for example, I can get myself dressed without Bruce's help and throughout the next couple days we will determine what else I need in order to function in the house on my own as much as possible. I will attempt to look with fresh eyes at this stage --how can I best use this unplanned time? In what ways can this be "found" time for me?

I don't feel trapped, but I do feel limited. Therefore, within the given limits what are reasonable expectations while I keep my eyes on the prize of total healing? The lesson is to let things take the time they actually need. I hope I can keep Richard Rohr's words in mind, "Your concern is not so much to have what you love anymore, but to love what you have right now." 

Right now I am re-evaluating what exactly it is I have right now. Obviously, I am fully aware of all I have in terms of the support of family and friends and that my injury is totally fixable etc. etc. My gratitude list is very long. Now that the initial two weeks of healing time have passed and I have a better sense of what is ahead, however, I don't want to take this time for granted. I know there are ways I can deepen my spiritual practice during this time and ways I can use my gifts as well. 

Recently, I spoke with a friend and former spiritual direction client who is in the midst of a major family crisis and I passed on to her words the writer Sarah Orne Jewett wrote to her friend and fellow writer, Willa Cather, "We must be ourselves, but we must be our best selves." How can I be my very best self during this next stage of healing?  Just as Bruce and I are figuring out how I can move easily through the house and what I need in order to fix myself lunch and do the other basic tasks of my life, I am listening to the cues in my heart about how to best use this time.  Stay tuned!

A Story

Such wonderful help we have received these last few weeks, and I am so grateful. Reminding myself to be a graceful receiver of help, I remember a story from many years ago when our children were young. The mother of a neighbor and good friend died unexpectedly and when I heard the news, I put together a breakfast meal--muffins and orange juice and I don't know what else. When I delivered it to our friends' home, the babysitter, a lovely college-aged woman who babysat for the family regularly, came to the door. I told her what I had brought, and she sighed and rolled her eyes. I could tell she was irritated with the interruption and was probably wondering what she was going to do with yet more food. 

I started to leave and then I turned back to her and said, "I want to do you a favor by sharing some advice. Someday you will lose a loved one and people who love you will respond with tokens of their support and sympathy. This is what people do for others. This is what we do for ourselves. The appropriate response is to simply say "thank you." 

Thank you everybody! 

An Invitation

When have you needed to move at the pace of your body and what did you learn? In what ways have those times deepened your spiritual practice and allowed you to access your best self?When have you needed to just smile and say "thank you"? I would love to know. 

 

Tuesday's Reflection: The Mystery Woman

I have been thinking about The Mystery Woman who was present when I fell and broke my ankle a week ago.

When I arrived at the recreation center to pick up recycling bins, I parked behind a large SUV with its engine running, and I noticed a woman sitting in the driver's seat. Moments later I was on the ground, ankle swelling beyond human understanding, but one of my first thoughts, since I didn't notice anyone else in the area, was  at least that woman was there and would come to my aid. 

At that moment another car drove by and the woman inside lowered her window and said she would park and come help me. "Don't move," she said. Then two men appeared, someone from the rec center who said he had called the ambulance, and another man who wrapped me in a blanket, A Green Bay Packer blanket, no less. 

No sign of The Mystery Woman. No word from The Mystery Woman.

The Green Bay Packer Man noticed the car with its engine running, too, and looked to see if anyone was in it and reported that a woman was indeed inside. I could tell he thought her lack of response was odd.

Before long, the ambulance had arrived, and I was lifted gently and competently inside. The Mystery Woman was still inside her car.

The Need For Response
I am sure each of us has had moments when we have responded immediately to a crisis or uncomfortable, uncertain situation.  Someone on our path needs help and there we are. Perhaps all that was needed was an assist through a door or retrieval of a fallen package or it may have been more--being the first on the scene and calling 911 or even administering CPR. Our response was instinctual and one in which we did not stop to weigh the pros and cons.

One day many years ago as I pulled into a parking lot of a strip mall,  I noticed a young woman lock the door of her car and head towards one of the stores. She had a package in her hands. Eventually, I left my car and on my way into the same store, I caught a glimpse of a sleeping child in the back seat of the woman's car. Without thinking, I ran into the store and found the woman in line at the check out wanting to make a return. I went up to her and said, "I followed you here because I saw that you left your child in your car. You have a choice. You can either return to your car RIGHT NOW or I will call the police RIGHT NOW." She was furious with me, called me names, and told me to mind my own business, but she did go right back to the car without completing her task. I returned to my car and waited there until she left. 

In retrospect I wish I had called the police immediately, but I hope at the very least my action made her think enough to never do something so foolhardy again. In the aftermath I shook and wondered where I found the courage, quite frankly, to confront her, but I knew I had done the right thing. For the child, the mother, and for myself.

Living with an Open Heart
I have no need to judge, but I do wonder about The Mystery Woman. Fortunately, I was blessed with people who responded quickly and compassionately.  I wish I knew who they were in order to thank them personally, and at some point I will go back to the rec center and see if I can find the man who made the call for the ambulance.  I needed their help and they gave with open hearts. 

The Mystery Woman has a story, one I will never know. I can't begin to guess or make any assumptions, which is always a dangerous thing to do anyway, but there is a reason she is The Mystery Woman. When she shared her day with family or friends, I wonder if she mentioned seeing a woman fall on the ice. What did she say and what kind of response did she get? 

My prayer is that I may live with an open heart, a heart that allows me to respond to the needs I encounter as I move through my days. I pray I will not be someone else's Mystery Woman. 

An Invitation
When have you benefited from the kindness of strangers and when have you felt your heart open enough to respond to the needs on another on your path? I would love to know.