The first Thursday of each month I will offer you a meditation to use during that month. Here is the meditation for October.
If you are afraid of something, you give it power.
Moroccan Proverb
October is the month of ghosts and goblins. This is the month in which being scared is supposed to be fun, and opportunities to scare someone else are expected.
I remember my toddler daughter or son holding on to my pant leg when I answered the door on Halloween night. I would move forward with the big graniteware bowl overflowing with candy in my arms, and Kate perhaps in her Wonder Woman pajamas or Geof in his Superman ones would peek around the door. They wanted to see what or who was on the front porch, but did they really? They were fearful, but also, fascinated and attracted to the realm of the scary at the same time. I think they knew real people, perhaps even people they knew, were behind the vampire mask or underneath the flowing white sheet, but at the moment they wanted to experience it from a safe distance.
The next year, however, they started talking about Halloween costumes in the summer and eventually, they were the ones ringing the doorbell and dashing off to the next house laughing and teasing each other about "being so scared!"
What happened to their fear? When did the fear become something to conquer? How did they know that being scared need not prevent them from moving forward?
Fear and You
What about you? When have you been afraid? What have you done to conquer that fear? And was it worth it?
At some time or another we are all afraid. After all, the human condition is scary. The question is, however, what do we do with the fear we experience? Is it possible to replace fear with faith? What would that look like in your life?
A Meditation on the Role of Fear In Your Life
I invite you to sit in a quiet place and close your eyes, lightly, not tightly. Take a couple deep cleansing breaths and allow your body to relax into slow, even breathing.
In this quiet, sacred, and safe place you create for yourself, invite a memory of when you were afraid as a child to appear. That memory is in the distance, outside of your safe place.
Note the feelings you experienced then without feeling them now. That was then, this is now. You are safe, and there is no need to relive any fear you experienced as a child. Instead, that long ago fear can be your teacher.
If you feel your body tense, especially in your shoulders, hands, or belly, remember to breathe deeply and fully and remember you are in a sacred and safe place. Remember, too, that you can open your eyes whenever you choose.
As you continue to breathe steadily and evenly, look at the fear. If that fear is no longer in your life, how did you conquer it? How did conquering that fear teach you to respond to other fears in your life?
As you continue to breathe steadily and evenly, ask your heart to open to the possibility of releasing any fear that has room in your life now. What would that feel like? Be with that awareness and the feelings that surround the desire to live life with less fear.
What do you need to move beyond and through fear? Imagine yourself with the courage to unlearn fears and the ability to seek help. Imagine trusting your own inner wisdom. Open to these possibilities.
Once again, take a couple deep cleansing, breaths and open your eyes, feeling safe and free.
Take a few minutes to note, perhaps in a journal or by whispering to yourself, what you felt or learned during this brief time of meditation. What will you now bring into your life?
A Blessing
May you trust your inner courage and wisdom.
May fears be your teacher and lead you to a life in which you achieve your highest vision of yourself.
May you feel surrounded by a spirit of growth and mindfulness, recognizing fear as a basic human emotion, which can lead us to the miracle of faith and love.
Resources For Further Exploration
1. Radical Acceptance, Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach, Ph.D, especially chapter seven, "Opening Our Heart in the Face of Fear."
2. The Right Questions, Ten Essential Questions to Guide You to an Extraordinary Life by Debbie Ford, especially chapter twelve, "Is This an Act of Faith or Is It an Act of Fear?"
3. Healing Through the Dark Emotions, The Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair by Miriam Greenspan, especially chapter seven "From Fear to Joy."
4. Fear and Other Uninvited Guests, Tackling the Anxiety, Fear, and Shame That Keep us from Optimal Living and Loving by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.
An Invitation
I welcome your thoughts about the role of fears in your life and also your comments about the meditation.
I have a bag for every purpose: bags for grocery shopping and a heavy basket with leather handles for going to the farmers' market on Saturday morning; bags for each of my writing projects and an empty bag with "Paris" written on its side, perfect to toss a couple magazines, a book, maybe stationery for letter writing to have on a plane or the car or in a cafe. I have bags awaiting a specific purpose, big, small, fancy or simple. Some with memories of the gift-giver. Some pure luxury.
Years ago I participated on a variety of committees and boards and had a bag for each one. I would check my Franklin Planner (Remember that popular organizer?) each night and see what was on the schedule for the next day and set aside the appropriate bag. Social Ministry Committee. Church Council. Summit Hill House Tour. The system worked well for me.
Now I live in two places--Madison and St Paul. Bags are definitely required. Our house is on the market and when a showing occurs I turn on all the lights and grab a bag and leave. I play my own version of the childhood memory game we used to play at Brownie meetings. "I'm going to my grandmother's house and in my bag (suitcase) I packed..."
Recently, my car was broken into and my purse, which I had UNWISELY left in the back seat while a friend and I enjoyed a river view and deep conversation, was stolen. One of those pure luxury bags. Money, credit cards, drivers license--all gone in 10 seconds the police officer said. Since then I have been dealing with the aftermath of this theft. Most everyone I have contacted has been helpful and empathic, except the one credit card person who asked me if I was having a nice day after I told her I was calling to report a stolen card (!!!).
The aftermath, however, involves much more than the financial loss and complications. I have lost some confidence in my urban smarts and in my view of myself as someone who thinks ahead and considers carefully my current context. I am embarrassed and have even felt shame, especially when someone tells me what I should have done. I feel guilt for needing my husband's help during his busy day and also for marring the visit from an out of state friend. I feel more anger with myself, interestingly, than with the unknown person who did the deed. I feel flawed and inadequate. I messed up. What could I have been thinking? Well, clearly, I wasn't thinking.
The first couple nights after the incident I replayed what I should have done over and over again. I told a friend I wasn't going to beat myself up about what had happened, but I was doing exactly that. So often when I have sat with someone in spiritual direction I have softly encouraged, "Be gentle with yourself." I forgot that wisdom when it came to myself, but I also knew I needed to explore the lessons of the stolen bag.
Here's what Debbie Ford in her book The Right Questions, Ten Essential Questions to Guide You to an Extraordinary Life says in the chapter titled "Will I Use this Situation as a Catalyst to Grow and Evolve or Will I Use It to Beat Myself Up?"
We beat ourselves up by rehashing an event over and over in our mind, analyzing why we didn't do it better and how we could have done it differently We beat ourselves up by spending our precious energy trying to figure out how we could have avoided the situation altogether...we always have a choice to use each event to learn and grow or to use it against ourselves...
Everything in this life can be used to transform us, to bring us closer to our spiritual essence and our dreams. In other words, either we are using life in our favor or we are using it against ourselves. This is what is meant by the saying 'Life is a teacher to the wise man and an enemy to the fool.' By seeing life as a teacher, we transcend the pain and suffering we put on ourselves. And then we can spend our energy creating what we want rather than wasting it by rehashing the past.
The Right Question will immediately shift our perspective from one of self-doubt or recrimination to one of open minded learning.
So what am I learning? I am learning how often I beat myself up. I chastise myself when I spill something or forget something or don't use my time as well as I think I should or eat more than I should or am not present to another person or...... On and on it goes. I beat myself up when I mess up, and I mess up often. Writer Joyce Rupp reminds me to greet myself mercifully."
I imagine if I had been more mindful in the moment I locked the car door without taking my purse with me, I would not have found a broken window when we returned to the car and therefore, I hope I will be more mindful, more present, but the lesson right now is to remember that I am human, and humans mess up. My lesson is to do what needs to be done and move on.
I am going to my grandmother's house and in my bag I packed forgiveness, gentleness, humility, mercy, and mindfulness. What's in your bag?
