A routine of sitting in silence, praying and meditating helps me focus on the present moment. When I pause to breathe, deeply and intentionally I am able to return to the present moment and listen to what my heart's voice is whispering. That voice often says, "Live now. Be now."
Lately, however, thoughts about the future have invaded my present moments. When I say "the future," I don't mean thoughts or worries about what will happen in the years to come. When will I die? Will I die before my husband does? How will I die? What physical and mental infirmities will overtake me?
No, I project only into the next few months.
What if our family can't gather for Thanksgiving or Christmas?
What if this pandemic lasts for another year?
When will our extended family be able to gather and bury our beloved father/grandfather/great-grandfather's ashes?
When will we be able to return to church?
Those are my top four questions. Questions of a personal focus, for sure, and questions that rip me right out of the present moment. That is a loss, for there is so much in the present moment that brings me joy:
* The spacious time I have for writing, as I return to work on my memoir. In fact, time itself feels more spacious right now.
* The basil "hedge" in our garden and all the pesto I have been making to enjoy now and in future months.
* Good conversation on our patio with friends--one friend or a couple at a time.
* Bruce's garden, lush and abundant.
* Books, books, and more books. I just finished Virgil Wander by Leif Enger and loved it.
* Morning walks. Something always delights me, like a quirky sunflower sculpture.
* The day spent in northern Wisconsin with our daughter and granddaughter.
* Our collection of DVDs--movies waiting to be watched again. This weekend we watched Julie and Julia with Meryl Streep playing to perfection Julia Child.
* The holy creativity, relevance, and inspiration of our Sunday morning online worship services.
In each of these joys, there is an element of surprise, a gift that would be missed, if I held my breath, worrying, wondering about and trying to control the future.
Joyce Rupp says it well in her book Walk in a Relaxed Manner, Life Lessons from the Camino:
I saw how living in the Now leads me into a
stronger union with God because it is a way of
constant openness to divine grace. When I am
attentive to the Now, I am able to be more open
and receptive interiorly. God is with me in the
present moment. It is here that this goodness
reaches into my life and beckons to me. The
Now provides what I need to respond to God
and to life wholeheartedly. p. 87
In each moment there is choice--to live and love in the present or not.
An Invitation
What questions pull you out of the present and into the future. What reminds you that in the present moment are many joys? I would love to know.
I think this time of turmoil makes it extra hard to stay in the here and now, doesn't it? But yet, we can't live our lives in fear. I am younger than you - almost 58 - and my husband is about to turn 60 and I'm already going through some of the same questions that you are about death. I wonder how much longer we have together or who will die first. And how I would deal with my husband's death or how he would deal with mine.
ReplyDeleteI do try to take one day at a time and live in the moment, but sometimes it's easier said than done!
PS - Julie & Julia is a great movie. One of my favorites.
How important it is to know when fear has moved in and taken over a room! Good movies, like Julie and Julia help.
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