New Friends: Thursday's Reflection

Every four to six weeks a group of new friends gather in our home
for a Sunday night potluck supper. Although the food is always good, the conversation is even better. And the connection is growing deeper.

Making new friends is not always easy, and it is even sometimes risky. When we moved to Cleveland many years ago, I was so lonely I imagined standing at a busy intersection with a sign that instead of proclaiming "Need food" or "Need a job," said "Need a friend." 

I did all the usual things: joined a book group at the library, took an aerobics class, greeted neighbors on my daily walks, and became a hospice volunteer. I initiated, which is not easy for me, and invited a new acquaintance with whom I felt some connection, to meet for supper. She readily agreed. My only expectation was for a pleasant evening with someone new, but perhaps I appeared over eager, too needy.

We met at a deli kind of place where we ordered at the counter and then settled at a table. We shared some opening banter and then she announced without any warning, "I just want you to know I don't have room in my life for more friends."

Yes, she really said that. 

Why didn't I pack up my chicken salad sandwich and chocolate chip cookie at that very moment and leave? Needless to say, we didn't become friends, but over the years I have wondered about her. Was there something in her life then that forced her to pull in the welcome mat? 

And I wonder if after all these years she has room now in her life for a new friend. 

I hasten to add that I eventually made some wonderful friends in Ohio, friends who are still an important part of my life today. The encounter with the woman with enough friends offered me a life lesson. I suppose I could have pulled up the drawbridge myself, which would have been the easy thing for this introvert to do, but I have tried not to do that. Instead, I have tried to open myself to new people, to potential friendships.

When we moved to Madison after our years in Ohio, I joined Curves and started working out most mornings. The women were pleasant, but clearly they knew and enjoyed each other's company. One morning, however, the conversation was about an elderly parent, and I asserted myself and offered some information that seemed relevant. I made the first move and in this case they welcomed me. Those women became dear friends. 

Fast forward to our move back to St Paul four years ago when we were in our mid sixties. We have reconnected with friends from the past and strengthened long time relationships, but we have also made a surprising number of new friendships, including our beloved potluck group. 

We are enriching each other's lives at this stage of life. Although we share much in common, such as membership in the same faith community, we don't have the same background or life experiences or interests. What we do each have, however, is a willingness to bring new friends into our lives. 

We bring our open hearts to the table. And the risk is worth it.

An Invitation
Are you willing to open to new friendship? I would love to know.