Support: Tuesday's Reflection

In a few hours my writing group will gather here in our cozy living room. During our twice a month sessions, each one of us has the opportunity to read something from our current work. And to receive feedback, which is always helpful and constructive. I trust these women to be honest with me and to help me grow deeper and clearer as a writer. I value what they say, and I am grateful for their encouragement when I feel stuck or overwhelmed or unsure.   

I need their support, and I do my best to offer these wonderful women writers support, also. 

Have you noticed how support comes in various sizes and shapes?

Sometimes support feels more like a push, a shove. "Get back in the chair and write. And we'll be checking to make sure you are doing that."

Sometimes support is something tangible--an invitation to get together, a hot meal delivered to your door when you are sick, a greeting card in the mail, a check to someone in need.

Sometimes support is a hug or an arm around the shoulder. "I'm so sorry this is a tough time. I'm holding you in my heart. I am on your team."

Sometimes support comes in the form of a listening ear. 

I recently read an essay, "The Art of Listening" by Brenda Ueland in which she refers to the "creative fountain" in each of us and how both listening and being listened to rejuvenates that fountain. She says "listening is love." Isn't that what you experience when someone truly listens to you? I also think it is what I feel when I LISTEN with my whole being. 

Ueland adds these suggestions for listening well:

             Try to learn tranquility, to live in the present
             a part of the time every day. Sometimes say to
             yourself: "Now. What is happening now? This
             friend is talking. I am quiet. There is endless time.
             I hear it, every word." Then suddenly you begin
             to hear not only what people are saying, but also
             what they are trying to say, and you sense the whole
             truth about them. And you sense existence, not
             piecemeal, not this object and that, but as a translucent
             whole.

I'm ready for my group to arrive this afternoon, and I know support will flow easily. We will each feel richer for all we receive from one another. 

May you know that kind of life-enhancing support, too. 


An Invitation
What kinds of support have you received or offered lately? When have you felt listened to and when have you been an attentive and receptive listener. I would love to know. 

BONUS: This past Sunday an essay I wrote was featured in the "Monk in the World" section in Christine Valter's Paintner's website Abbey of the Arts. You can read it here.

                

Being Helpful and Supportive; Tuesday's Reflection

A teenage daughter in one of our congregation's families attempted suicide recently. The family is well-known and loved, and I am sure many wonder, as I do, "What can I do? How can I help and be supportive"

Ways to Help
We help, it seems to me, when we jump in and do the practical, hands-on things needed to ease day-to-day responsibilities and stress. 
* Bring a meal.
* Do laundry.
* Buy groceries.
* Mow the lawn/shovel snow.
* Babysit. Plan a special event for children in the family. 
* Fill their car with gas. 
* Be a driver for appointments. 
* Clean the house, take out garbage, change beds.
* Walk the dog. 
* Make and return phone calls and emails.

You get the idea. These are tasks that are a normal part of life and if they don't get done, life gets more complicated, overwhelming. 

Ways to Support
When you are helpful, you are also supportive, but I think "support" is more a response of the heart. Support may be lies tangible, but no less effective. Here are some ways to show support:
* Set up a prayer group. Add the person to a prayer list. Share only as much information as the person permits. 
* Send cards, postcards, letters. Yes, emails are great, too, but how  loving and caring is it to receive a note you can hold in your hand? 
* Give a gift certificate for a massage or Reiki session. Manicure or facial.
* Offer hugs.
* Plan diversion activities--watch a funny movie together, go for a walk or bike ride, gather friends for a dinner out (or bring dinner in).

The best way to be supportive is to listen.  

Listen, listen, listen. 

A Gentle Reminder
When I was recovering from surgery for cancer many years ago, one of my husband's colleagues called me. The phone call from her was very nice, but she kept pressing me. "How are you?" she said in a concerned voice. When I replied I was doing well, getting better every day, she continued to press. "No, really, how are you?" I know she had good intentions, but I did not know her. It was my prerogative to decide what to share and with whom.  

Ask and offer to listen, but pay attention to cues. 

A Resource
Help Me Live, 20 Things People With Cancer Want You to Know by Lori Hope Even though the title indicates that cancer is the focus, I recommend this book for a variety of crises and challenging personal situations. 

An Invitation
In what ways have you been helped and supported? Do you know someone who needs help and support? I would love to know.