November's Interview: Carole Kretschman and Longing for Spiritual Practice

On the fourth Thursday of each month I will introduce you to someone whom I look up to as a spiritual friend and teacher. The focus of my questions is on their spiritual practices and what nurtures their deepening spirituality.

This month meet my current spiritual director, Carole Kretschman, whom I first met when I took a class about Centering Prayer at Holy Wisdom Monastery in Madison.  Along with being a spiritual guide, Carole is a Benedictine Oblate. She graduated from the Spiritual Guidance Training Program in Racine, WI, and from the Spiritual Deepening for Global Transformation program at the Christine Center in Willard, WI. I am so grateful she has been willing to meet with me as one of her spiritual directees. 

What do you identify as your main spiritual practice?
At this time my main spiritual practice is centering prayer/meditation for 20 minutes twice a day. I have been faithful to this practice since 2004. I do two different meditations: centering prayer and a meditation given to me at a retreat by Sadhguru, a guru from India. That meditation is a combination of breath work, chanting, and silence, preceded by a few yoga poses. Both centering prayer and this type of meditation have similar effects, bringing me back to that space within which is sacred.

You introduced me to both centering prayer and Sadhguru's meditation, and I have used each at various times, finding them both to be just the right practice at the right time. Please elaborate more about how this practice became integral to your spiritual life.
I longed for a meditation practice for at least 5 years. I first attended silent retreats about 20 years ago, and I noticed how whole and at peace I felt after being on retreat. I wanted to incorporate the practice into my daily life.

I was experiencing some health problems at the time, and I inherently knew that a meditation practice would be good for me. Of course, Thomas Keating says that centering prayer does not cure a thing, except maybe pride. I suspected my pride could use some work as well! 

Just because I wanted to do this, however, did not translate into success. I tried starting with five to ten minutes a day with the intention of adding more time, but that technique did not work. I would start out with the best of intentions, just like a New Year's resolution, but was not successful. Finally, I came to the conclusion that just longing for a meditation practice was also a practice. I began to talk about the fact that no matter how hard I tried, I was unable to sustain a discipline. And yet, there was this growing desire within me. 

So how did the jump for longing for a practice to practicing meditation itself happen?
In 2004 I attended a retreat in Ohio led by James Finley. On our drive home I sat next to a retired UCC minister. I told him how I wanted/desired to do this and yet, I was unable to envision arising before 5:00 a.m. since I was still working at the time. He turned to me and said, "Why don't you just do it on your days off?" I thought, "I could do that!"

An Ah-Ha moment!
Yes. The following Saturday I began, and I have been faithful to that practice ever since. When I told myself I did not have to do it everyday, I was able to do it every day. I think "grace" paid me a visit. 

I love the paradox of not having to do it everyday leading to doing it everyday! What have been the fruits of this practice for you?
I have more energy and more creativity since adopting this practice. I am more in touch with my intuitive self. I feel my life's journey unfolding before me. It takes no effort. It just happens. And, I am more content to live in the question or the mystery of the moment and not need answers. I am more comfortable living in the "in between spaces."

Are there other practices that are or have been important to you? 
I do free writing at least five days a week. This practice, which I do by hand and not on the computer, cleanses my soul. The thoughts come out of my head and onto paper. I find I have fewer traffic jams in my thinking and fewer compulsive thoughts.

Also, I would be remiss if I did not mention the spirituality of the 12 Steps. Being a member of 12 Step programs was and is key to my spiritual growth.

The 11th step is "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God as I understood God, praying only for the knowledge of God's will for me and the strength to carry it out." Working the steps helped me discover what of my faith tradition was helpful and what needed to be changed. It is a wonderful way to live. It encourages us to be honest with ourselves, to take the blinders off and appraise our role in relationships and life. 

At a particularly difficult time of my life, when I was relatively new to recovery, I decided that I would pray the following for six weeks, kind of an experiment. I prayed for 1. guidance, 2. an open mind to receive it, and 3. the strength to carry it out. I did this twice a day for six weeks on my knees. I thought that it would be worth a try, and I would only lose 5 minutes a day, if it did not work. My life started changing almost immediately because I finally got out of the driver's seat.

I have so appreciated the wisdom based on the 12 Steps you have shared in our sessions. What hints do you have for someone developing a spiritual practice?
Be gentle with yourself. We are called to be who we are. Wherever you are on the continuum is perfect in God's eyes. You are loved deeply just as you are. If you long to be more and do more, be present to that. "Here I am, and I so want to have some kind of a spiritual practice and it is not happening." Just be present and give that part of yourself who longs for more a hug. 

Any book titles or other information you care to share?
Lately, I have been reading and studying evolutionary consciousness, and I feel excitement about where we are going as a global community. In addition, here are some book titles that have supported me.

* Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on
  Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion by Pema
  Chodron
* In the Sanctuary of Women by Jan Richardson
* Reaching for Personal Freedom, the new Alan-on
  workbook

Thank you, Carole, for sharing your insights about spiritual practices, especially the role of longing in the creation of spiritual practice in one's life. You are a blessing in my life, and I am so grateful you are an active and loving companion on my spiritual path. 

An Invitation
What questions do you have for Carole? What are you longing for in your spiritual life? What experiences have you had adapting a spiritual practice in your life. Post your comments and questions. 

Filled with the Power of the Spirit, a Post by Nancy L. Agneberg

I confess that I do not regularly attend worship services.  No pew is recognized as the place where Nancy sits every Sunday morning. More than likely, someday I will resume weekly attendance, but for now attending church feels more like a religious exercise than spiritual practice. However, there is something about Ash Wednesday, which begins the Western Christian season of Lent, culminating gloriously on Easter Sunday that tugs at my heart. There is something about the imposition of ashes in the shape of the cross on my forehead that draws me. I need the reminder of human mortality, my mortality. I need to be drawn into a season of prayer and fasting and abstinence. I need to mourn all that has been lost and will be lost and to repent the ways I have contributed to the darkness in the world.  
     And so yesterday, Ash Wednesday, I worshipped at Holy Wisdom Monastery not far from our home. Holy Wisdom Monastery is an ecumenical monastic community in the spirit of St Benedict, and it is where I am most drawn to take off my shoes and kneel in recognition of all that is sacred. Once again I was drawn to be part of the ancient ritual, a ritual done in community, but there was an additional reason to participate in worship yesterday. The Nun on the Bus was speaking at the service.
     Sister Simone Campbell, a lawyer and executive director of NETWORK, A National Catholic Social Justice Lobby and a sister in the order, Sisters of Social Service, was all over the news during the presidential campaign. Even before Paul Ryan (R-WI) was selected as Romney's running mate, Sister Simone was protesting the injustice of the Ryan Budget. To raise public awareness, she and several other sisters boarded a bus and undertook a 9 state tour to speak out against the budget "because it harms people who are already suffering." Perhaps you recall her eloquent speech at the Democratic National Convention this past September or you may have seen her interviewed by Stephen Colbert or Bill Moyers. A national celebrity, but more than that she is someone who lives the Gospel and who is a visible reminder of Isaiah's words as found in yesterday's Gospel, Luke 4: 18-19
       The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
           because he has anointed me    
           to bring good news to the poor.
       He has sent me to proclaim release 
           to the captives
           and recovery of sight to the blind,
           to let the oppressed go free,
           to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor. 
Sister Simone is someone to listen to, and I didn't want to miss the opportunity. She expressed her conviction that "something is afoot;" something that involves being drawn deeper into the mystery of the power of the Spirit. 
     I am not sure in what ways I am to be an expression of the power of the Spirit, but moving slowly forward to receive the ashes in this annual ritual, as millions of seekers have done over the centuries, I felt connected to that power and I felt Spirit alive within me. Thanks Be to God.  

I Met a Willow Tree, a post by Nancy L. Agneberg

One never knows whom one will meet on a retreat. I met a Willow Tree.  Recently, I attended a retreat at Holy Wisdom Monastery here in Middleton led by Anne Hillman who wrote the book Awakening the Energies of Love, Discovering Fire for the Second Time, a book that has become a touchstone in my life. What a privilege to have three days for intentional reflection. I loved meeting Anne and the other participants on the retreat, but who knew I would make a new friend and develop a new relationship? Who knew I would open to a new spiritual guide, a new teacher? 
     I met a Willow Tree.
    At Sweetwater Farm a willow tree was the resident sage in the wetland on our land, and such a presence that tree was. The last tree to lose its leaves as the season moved from fall to winter. The most distinctive citrus yellow green in the springtime, standing out from all other greens. The welcome greetings of branches swaying in the breeze and sweeping the earth gently, lightly. And often, quite often, a resting place for a red-tail hawk. I can feel my heart lift as I recall the beauty of that sight. 
     Perhaps this willow tree is a distant relative of the one I loved at Sweetwater Farm. My intention is to get to know this tree better, but initially, I kept my distance, preferring to observe and to listen before introducing myself. The days of the retreat were the epitome of June days: warm, but not too; the sun hiding occasionally behind playful clouds, and a breeze dancing through prairie grasses and trees dressed for summer days. This willow tree (Do I dare call it "my" willow tree?) swayed, swirled, swooped, swept, sashayed--did everything but swagger down the trail closer to the pond. I sat on a deck nearby and spent time with my new acquaintance. 
     I was captivated by one branch that arched over open space, forming a portal, a passageway, a natural arbor, a threshold.  Lately, I have realized that these years in Madison are transition years for me -- preparation years for the next stage of life.  I am making myself ready. For exactly what, I am not sure, but it is time to prepare my body, mind, and spirit. I am on a threshold, but this is not yet the time to walk through, to cross over, to look back at where I have just been. Being on this retreat and spending time with the willow tree, I realize, however, now is the time to live with deeper attention, to move from thought to awareness, to listen to my deepest yearnings, to be present. 
     Later during the retreat Anne led us in T'ai Chi, and I became the willow tree: grounded and yet supple and flexible, lifting my arms to the sky and letting them softly drift back to my side.  I danced as the willow tree dances. The willow tree has more to teach me, and I will return to its sacred space.  Someday I will accept its invitation to cross the threshold and stroll underneath its supple branches, and to feel the touch of its feathery leaves.
     Matthew Fox says, "Everything is a word of God." 
     Even willow trees. 
Selected Resources from my Bookshelves
Sacred Trees, Spirituality, Wisdom and Well-Being by Nathaniel Altman
The Healing Energies of Trees by Patrice Bouchardon