I'm feeling itchy, antsy, jumpy. I have a major stack of books waiting to be read, and I can't seem to get beyond the first page or two of any of them. Work on my book awaits me, and I sit and stare at it. I could wash windows, for they definitely need it, but that feels like more commitment than I can muster. I don't know what to fix for dinner or how to order the day's errands. Or even what to wear. This is not like me.
What is it?
True, we had a house guest for a few days, so I drifted away from my regular routines, but then why couldn't I give full attention to the top priorities on my To Do list once the sheets on the guest room bed had been changed?
True, I was in charge of an event at church earlier this week, but planning for that was not difficult and all went well.
True, I am in a new phase with my book. I have been requested submit a book proposal to a publisher and writing a synopsis and chapter summaries presents a new challenge, but I know I can figure out how to do that.
Is it spring, the change of seasons?
I am a winter person and miss the wrapped coziness of winter and am never as ready for spring's openness and energy as most everyone else seems to be. And yet, I am happy to resume daily walks without dodging ice and snow.
I head out the front door eagerly these cool mornings to stretch my legs and my heart, but doing that means adjusting my normal routine. Should I walk first and then return to the garret for meditation time? Or the reverse? Do I take a shower right after my walk or after meditation? And then half the morning is already gone! I might as well do some errands then and devote the full afternoon for writing, I think to myself. So far that hasn't worked very well.
This is transition time, and although every year involves the same season to season transitions, some times I feel more tentative about the changes. That, of course, is an invitation for prayer, an invitation to listen to the promptings of my heart, where I feel unfinished and where I feel stretched. What is growing and what needs to be nurtured even a bit more?
Soon I will be in a spring routine that both honors the season of the year and the season of my life. I have done this before, and I know I can do it again.
Come! Come encourage what needs to be born in us.
Draw us out of winter's nurturing womb.
Teach us to believe in our unopened buds.
Accompany us into a world starved for new life.
O Come! ...
Come! Come laugh us out of our rigidity
Lighten hearts grown weary with anxiety.
Send us out to the meadows to play like a child.
Rise up in our souls with lighthearted joy.
What are you noticing about yourself this spring? I would love to know.